Loosing importance?

I had a birthday last week. Not a 'big' one...but a disturbing one. As I confessed to someone, 'it feels as though I'm on the downhill slide now.' Digging my heels into the hillside won't stop the progression either! Oh, you say, consider the alternative! Well, believe me I have, and I am grateful to my heavenly Father who has chosen to give me an extended life with fairly good health, a loving family and dear friends. Life is just suddenly so 'real'...by that I mean, so fragile, so swift, with an unexplainable sense of urgency! What is this feeling of 'loosing importance?'

My children have wonderful lives full of all the things I once experienced. I look at them and see my past. I watch them going through the family issues, the ups and downs of raising kids, work schedules, sports schedules, responsibilities...yes...it is a season of responsibility and fatigue! Yet somehow it is the best part of life! Oh, I hope they are enjoying it because from my position, it is the most fleeting season and if they are wishing these years would hurry and get over, well, that would be regretable. Regret eats at the soul,...savoring each season of life fills it! It's tough for sure, but I wish I could infuse in them the importance of holding each moment tightly...having no regrets in the future, that they wished away the days and years.

My time raising kids was so different than today. Safe neighborhoods with caring people who watched over ours as if they were theirs, lots of outdoor time, very little TV, no computers or hand held games, sandlot baseball, less scheduled activities, boundaries that even the kids expected, (my folks would kill me 'if'..)! Yes, I could go on and on, but my main point is...."God bless the working mothers and fathers who not only have to regulate their time, but the time of their children!" Stress, tension, games that should be played just for the love of the game but have become a competition for who makes AAA or AA or A teams...and the parents who then have to render the perfect words to blanket the disappointment in their child. When did sports become so stressful for the kids, ...where did the joy of just playing go. Competition is good to a degree, but when it distorts a childs self-worth...well, it's just wrong! This is a mute point for a grandparent....I can only look, pray and trust that this will not influence negatively lives that should be delighting in life, friends and family! Again it is clear to me that I can stand by and watch, but have no input whatsoever....perhaps another reason for 'loosing that feeling of importance?' I had my time, they are having theirs....the circle of life I suppose.

There is an elderly lady who comes into my workplace several times a week, that has become a special person in my life. We chat about little things. I shared with her this 'loosing importance' feeling since donning this years birthday. Her words bathed me in warmth. "My dear, our importance just seems to wane, just remember that even though we are not included in much of our children and grandchildren's lives, we are still here to be an anchor for them...a place of safety, where they can come and rest when their lives become so harried they just need an hour or so of escape. Don't feel left out, enjoy what you can when you can, don't begrudge their activities without you....treasure the times you do have." She blesses my life. Her years are numbered as she's in her 80's, yet is living as fully as she can and loving life! Truly an example for me to emulate.

I'll pass through this feeling I'm sure....just a fleeting pity party. Birthdays are a time to reflect, give thanks to my God for blessing me with yet another year, and to give me a chance to look to the future. Yes, my heels may be dug in, trying to slow this process down, but He gives me my sense of identity and worth and therefore I am the most important person on earth! Loosing my identity? I think not! Bring on another year...with His precious daily presence, I can take it!

BUMBLEBEE NEST SAGA CONTINUES...

Ah yes...Saturday dawned bright and beautiful for once this early April day. What to do, what to do??!! Of course! I shall tackle the project that has been interrupting my sleep cycle for several nights....'the bumblebee project!' Those beautiful costumed buzzers have been repeat visitors the last several summers, at first not causing a disturbance, in fact it was rather pleasant to see them lazily go too and fro from their under deck domicile. But then, wham-o..the great bumblebee fiasco hit us last summer, causing hysterical screaming and running about the yard like maniacs, swatting, spraying, using deck pillows as self-defense mechanisms....they turned psycho! Hence...my quest to exterminate the whole lot of them this spring before the invaders disturb yet another peaceful summers day.
This shouldn't take very long...take out a couple deck boards, remove nest, dump in some Sevin...replace boards, screw down...voila! Done! Or so I thought.

Let me begin with the board removal. Some wise guy drove the nails below the wood surface giving me no leverage to remove them (that would have been ME three summers ago)....trotting to the garage for the crowbar, I giddily invisioned a hasty flip of a board and on with my task. But NO! Not enough space to leverage the bar between the boards...now what? Think! Think! Ok,..screwdriver in hand, hammer in another I proceed to chip away around the nailhead, exposing it's shiny little hidden head.
Bam! Hammer hits hand.....how does one NOT jump up and start screaming expletives
while trying to maintain composure so the neighbor won't start peering out their window? Well, I didn't...I let 'er rip! Quick look...no blood...pain subsided...project continued. Damn nail! Fat widow woman struggles down to her knees to persist in defeating this enemy. Enter, pliers...wiggle, wiggle, turn, turn...up she comes! Crowbar inserted, leverage achieved...push, crack..BOARD BREAKS! Enter reciprocal saw....sawed off that part of the board! Take that! Removal of the next two much easier...but I used the saw to cut off just the part I needed...not a good idea...more later on that.
Off to Home Depot...loaded arms with weapons of war...back to base of operation in record time!
Dumped said ingredients into exposed territory below...NOTHING could survive those chemicals of warfare! Measured length of board I need to cut to cover hole....grab saw, commence to attack...saw blade flies across the yard landing where cat was sitting minutes earlier....darn..would have been my chance to get rid of that darn cat! Re-attach blade..finish sawing, place boards in position. So who cares if one end of the adjoining boards don't exactly fit flush and stand 1/2" higher than it should therefore causing future toe stubs? I'm tired of this warfare and yet I have one more crucial invasion...nail those suckers down! Enter drill and deck screws.
Using a nail to forge a hole before inserting screw, I pick up the instrument of war that I am not all that familiar with....insert screw, place drill bit in position, fire away....ZAP! Knothole! Now I know why I used nails last time...trotting off to the garage .........
Well, it may not be the most visually perfect job..but it's a job done! Next???