Getting Beyond

Writing helps me clear my mind. I think...maybe it does....or not, we'll see.
One month from now it will be three years since Dennis died. There...I had to see that in writing..it seems so unreal, so just yesterday yet so long ago. I can't believe I've come this far, that I've actually navigated three long years by myself. The years included decisions, situations, circumstances, issues, massive amounts of loneliness, all that was dealt on my own. No, let me clarify that statement....God and I dealt with it. The biggest hurdle of my life, to live beyond the death of my spouse, was to realize that I am never truly alone. I Peter 12:12 (The Message version) said it best, "Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job.!" I'm here to testify that indeed He WAS on the job! And IS on the job! I know now that life will never be free from heartache, grief or suffering, but I do know that God is right there in the midst of it all ready to prop me up on my 'leaning side!'
Just yesterday, I let go of a dream,...I realized I was focusing on something that was not going to happen. I don't like endings, of any nature, but to truly start over I must let something end,...I think so anyhow! How's that for finality? But really, life goes on, endings are ongoing and it seems like as soon as one hurdle is over another is on the way! But that's not a negative thing...no, to me it simply means closing a phase of my life, albeit rather sadly, so I can move on to opening another phase. I feel as if I'm poised between the past and the future. Yesterday is gone but there is a promise of tomorrow. I would have preferred a different path, but the new path brims with promises and possibilities. I will not run from the past, nor dwell on perceived mistakes or guilt, but remember the best and build on the failures, which will prove to give me newness of heart to face the future.
Hey, it's not up to others to make me happy, that's not fair! No, true happiness comes from within, when I'm satisfied with myself and the life I'm living..(I read that somewhere and it's so true!) well, then I will discover lasting peace and contentment. I'm going to choose to be happy because life will never be without it's difficulties....focusing on all that's good....my family, friends, health, oh the list goes on. I just praise God for each new day and I'll try to be open to it's possibilities and new paths. I will not postpone satisfaction nor live my life with regrets....For "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Yes, it is possible to find happiness right where I am! A door was closed but a window is wide open!