I SAID.....I MEANT...LESSONS LEARNED

Life is full of valuable lessons. Some we learn along the way, others take a little while longer in retrospect. After my husband passed away and I entered that dark period of grieving, I learned how to help others go through that darkness, basically because of how others treated me in that process. Valuable lessons of do's and don'ts which I never would have learned had I not traveled that path. Some positive, some negative...but lessons regardless.
Recently I entered another period of life that have caused me to open up to even more valuable lessons. Beginning in September, 2011 a series of unexpected surgeries happened. Large basel cell surgery removal, requiring 37 stitches and the inability to bend, twist, reach, sit comfortably, rise without pain,...well you get the picture. No sooner did I recover from that, the knee which had given me untold pain from an earlier injury, a torn meniscus, ended up needing surgery. Great expectations for complete relief have not materialized and I remain in a good deal of pain. Well, God must have some lessons of His own to teach me, because I was then given a large benign uterine mass that required a complete hysterectomy which revealed a strange little secondary tumor that indicated the possibility of cancer. That little tumor took a trip to Mayo clinic for diagnosis...just a precursor to possible future cancer's...no big deal..just followup appointments to keep a handle on things! All of the above are inconveniences in life, to say the least, but can certainly be used for good. Each experience gave me time to think, to ponder on God's reasoning...to just let go and let God show me. I learned dependence on Him, I learned He never leaves me, I learned He is my strength, I learned I can trust Him above any other, I learned of His unconditional love for me, even when I questioned. On the other side, I should have learned to swallow my pride and let others do for me as they asked. I learned that I allowed them to miss the blessing of helping me, and I learned that in being prideful I only hurt myself. Oh yes, a few faithful friends from church provided some meals...how wonderful that was! I pridefully stopped them after several delivered meals, thinking I could do it myself. How silly of me! Pride and independence are hateful little things! They cause us to look to ourselves instead of allowing God to work through others!

WHAT THEY SAID: How are you?
WHAT I SAID: Fine
WHAT I MEANT: In some pain, but sure would enjoy a little company.

WHAT THEY SAID: How can I help?
WHAT I SAID: I can handle it
WHAT I MEANT: Could you come and see what needs attention, that sure
would be helpful!

WHAT THEY SAID: Can I bring a warm meal?
WHAT I SAID: I'm ok
WHAT I MEANT: Oh, that would be nice...I can fix a meal but I get so tired!

WHAT THEY SAID: I can drive you to your appointment.
WHAT I SAID: I can manage
WHAT I MEANT: Thanks! It's so uncomfortable driving right now.

WHAT THEY SAID: I know that oncologist appointment will be hard, can I come with you?
WHAT I SAID: It's no big deal, thanks anyhow.
WHAT I MEANT: I'm so frightened at what I may hear, your company would give me great comfort!

Yes, pride is ugly. I missed out on so many blessings from others! When a friend reaches out a hand, take it! Independence is a lonely path, it does not allow others to give a blessing. Yes, I have learned, perhaps a little late, but nonetheless learned, when others request permission to enter my life during times of need, I need to grant that permission! Friends and family are God's special angels, sent to walk with us in our time of need...allow God to use them! It will make the journey so much easier!