Renewing My Present..

Two weeks into the New Year! Fourteen precious days of 2010 are gone, never to be regained. A few minutes ago I jotted a reminder note on my calendar and was startled to see how many 'jots' were made on the previous two weeks! Sometimes I get this feeling of desperation...like my purpose here is too vague, like I should be doing something monumental with my life. I'm staring at that calendar right now, reliving the past couple of weeks. I can actually see a pattern, a purpose, a meaning. Hey! I DO have a life and it's a pretty darn good one too! Granted,
not every day is filled with purposeful, meaningful, life changing events, but each one holds a significant purpose. It's my life. When did I start living it again after the death of my husband? When did life begin to feel normal. When did I settle into the daily functions and decisions without lamenting the fact that Dennis wasn't here to do that for me? Wasn't it just yesterday I could not see beyond each hour and was certain that time would move as slowly as a heavy fog on a winter morn.
When did I stop saying 'why me Lord, don't you like me any more?' A verse from Isaiah43 comes to mind..."Forget the former things;do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!" Yes, the anguish, questioning and misgivings have been replaced with belief, confidence and certainty. God is good!
Now what do I do with the present? What decisions do I 'purpose' to make?
I wasn't going to make a New Year's resolution list, but I feel I need to make a 'renewal' declaration. A quote by Brooks Atkinson says: Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go! Therefore I purpose to:

Live neither in the past nor the future
Stop putting life on hold
Not depend on others for my happiness
Let go of unproductive thoughts
Give life a chance
Love with all my heart
Forgive and let go of bitterness
Embrace hope
Be thankful in all things
Make a difference in peoples lives
Trust God for all my needs according to His riches in glory

Well, you get the picture...to renew my present requires not clinging to the past. What might happen tomorrow? I don't know, but I have a God who knows, and that's all I need to know.