Stepping Up

It's -10 degree's outside and here I sit eating a big bowl of Peppermint ice cream...why? Because I can. If I still had children at home I would definitely discourage this with the oh so sensible logic of a mother, but I don't, so I will do as I please! I actually bought this ice cream in hopes the grands would devour it over Christmas...but nope..no takers and thus it is left up to me to make sure it doesn't go to waste! I'm up to the task!

There would have been one point in my life when I would have hated to be referred to as 'you're becoming your mother', but now I could give a damn! I AM a mother, I AM a grandmother and I DO have some traits from my mom...and I'm proud of that. I know for a fact that she also reached a point in life where ice cream in the middle of the coldest spell of winter would have enticed her. Why am I on this ice cream theme...this tangent of doing what I want? It's not just the ice cream..it's so many things. The New Year has driven me to a contemplative mood, to the realization that if I can't be and do what I want, right now, at this ridiculously upper-middle part of age, then when pray tell shall I? It's rather freeing, you know, to lay down the shackles of 'shoulds' or 'shouldn't' do's.

Can I actually turn away from the clucks and 'oh mom's' that I would or will hear from my kids, if I decide to do something out of the common structure of being just a mom? Or will I cower and feel diminished by their disapproval? I think not..I think I've become a me, not just a mom or grandmother, but me! I've always wanted their admiration, perhaps even longed to be given the opportunity to be a wise counsel to them when they desired it. I still stand ready if asked, but my main objective now is to listen..just listen. They need to experience their own mistakes, handle their own problems, reach their own solutions, but with the comforting thought that their mom is just a phone call away, with a knowing heart and a experienced shoulder that welcomes a wearied head.

This age thing can get you down. After all I'm 'it' now, I'm the oldest survivor. The grandparents to my children are gone, my husband is gone...hey I'm 'it!' I'm really not ready to be relegated to old age, to just be someone to put up with, to have my kids feel obligated too or to be looked at as if most of my life is over and I'm on the downhill slide. No, by golly, I still have life to live, love to be found, fun to be had, friends to be made, adventures to experience....so don't write me off just yet! Perhaps I shall have another bowl of ice cream!!