THEIR TIME.....

I discovered something this past week, or perhaps I should say, I was reminded of something this week, the art of listening.  I'm not very good at it, nor are many others.  It's difficult, especially when there seems to be swarms of facts about yourself and your circumstances that are just begging to be spoken.  When was the last time I just sat quietly and listened, gently nodding my head either in agreement or as a gesture of compassion?  When was the last time I merely let another pour out their heart, soul or sadness?  When was the last time I allowed another to share their joy without jumping in and trying to share mine?   When did we, as a society, stop giving one another 'their time?'

Pain causes one to become epically self-centered!  After going in to have a simple basal cell removed and coming home with a 4" incision and 35 stitches, I was rather discontent with the discomfort!  No bending, twisting, reaching etc. for several days...no showers for two days...disgruntled?  You bet!  Adding to the drama was the continuing pain of the torn miniscus in my knee, causing double duty pain!  I wanted someone to LISTEN to my whining!  Enter stage right, my hero's!

News travels fast among friends doesn't it?  Soon the phone calls began to come in.  Need any food?  How about cleaning or laundry?  Can I drive you anywhere?  All genuine, heartfelt questions from friends who care, but you know what the best part was?  After all the inquiries, they asked how I was doing!  "Really, how ARE you doing?" and then they let me begin my tale of woe and pain without interruption!  That's all  I needed....a little time I call 'their time,' but now it involved me.  Lesson learned.

In the past several days (even months if I count 'knee time.') I have learned that:

Other's have heart wrenching circumstances that need to be heard....give them 'their time!'
Resist the temptation to jump in and share your problems when they've trusted you with theirs.
Let them speak without offering advice unless asked, and then be very careful.
REALLY listen to them, nothing offends more than someone half listening, giving the impression they'd rather be someplace else.
Don't call and ask 'how are you' and then trail off onto another subject, indicating you're just making a courtesy call but really don't give a good gosh darn.  This applies to face to face time as well as hospital visits.
And remember, it's never 'all about me'.....stop, listen, and stay out of the conversation.

I have some wonderful friends and family!  They did all of the above for me!  That's what got me to thinking about this.....how often have I given them 'their time?'   I want to be the person they can feel safe with, that allows them to share their deepest concerns without condemnation, to know when I say I will pray, that I will,  and that I will always be here to listen and give them.....their time.