One Simple Act

I saw the dry leaves piling up in a corner of my front porch this morning.  Normally, I would just grab the ol' beatup broom from the garage and get to sweeping, but the heavy cane I was grasping in my right hand, reminded me that I was not so mobile.  Oh, heck....I can do this!  Hobbling to the door that exits to the garage, I reached out, pulled it too me and proceeded to the porch.  Hopping off the entrance stoop, I commenced to put the broom under my armpit and began some vigorous strokes!   Said broom handle slipped out of armpit and whacked me in the jaw! Not to be deterred from my mission, I lay my cane across the white wicker rocking chair and steadied myself with the broom handle, placing all my weight over to the right leg, leaving the wretched left knee dangling precariously, knowing that I could put pressure on it but really not wanting too, due to it's sudden action of buckling when I least expect it.  Mission accomplished, maybe not so fastidiously, but accomplished!

 And why pray tell, do I share this with you?  Three neighbors were in their yards, doing what I suppose are the things you do in the fall to get ready for winter, two of which never looked up, one giving me a quick wave before ducking his head back to the business at hand.  14 years of living side by side with these neighbors and not one knew that I had knee surgery.  How sad is that!?  I'm not pointing fingers, I'm just stating a sad, sad fact that during all those years, we did not develop even the slightest of relationships so that we would know when another is in need.  The quick waves as we leave our driveways, the brief exchange of pleasantries on the front lawn once or twice during the summer months leave no room for developing any kind of relationship with our neighbors.

My mind does a free fall back many, many years when we knew almost too much about our
neighbors!  We watched each others kids, we sent hot dishes over if sickness came, we shared secrets,
we helped.  Yes, helped.  How many Saturday mornings if the guys were out doing something in the yard or garage, did one or several of the neighbor guys show up and eventually help finish up a job which would otherwise have taken hours.   How often did my wonderful gal neighbors pop in to help me paint, show me how to sew something when I was stuck, sit down with a cup of tea and listen to each others problems, or just enjoy some warm summer sunshine on the front porch steps?  When did this exchange of neighborliness die out?   Oh, I know there are still those neighborhoods that make it a practice to enjoy each other's company, and that makes me smile, for it brings back that warm  feeling of remembering, being part of something, feeling safe and valued, just simply enjoying life.  But I fear those are the exception to the rule of present day neighbors. 

Yesterdays were slower paced, most mom's didn't work, we jointly watched the neighborhood. There were no computers, Ipods, IPhones,  texting, 100's of TV channels.  Most kids picked a sport or two with very little practices thrown in, no hectic racing from one thing to another, more family time and always time to see if there was one simple act we could do for our neighbor in time of need.  I guess I'd call it 'priorities.'   When we've reached the point where sports, self-interest, down right fatigue come between our committment to attending worship, or youth activities at church, well, it's time to stop the madness.  Even God rested on the seventh day!  Well, I didn't mean to get on a tangent here and include society as a whole.....but to simply remind myself how important it is to slow down, know thy neighbor and never be too busy or preoccupied with self to render 'one simple act' that may cause another some relief, heck maybe even bring a smile!  My daughters showed those simple acts in so many ways,...ways that required no words....just acts of simple love. 

This 'knee thing' brought many well wishes, cards, phone calls, inquiries if they could help with anything,....all nice, all well meaning, but you know what brought tears to my eyes?  A knock on the door, a smiling face and a bag with homemade soup and bread.  No 'pre-plans',  no 'what can I do for you', just a simple act of kindness and a genuine word...."I just wanted to share my soup with you."

The Lord is Near..

I woke up this morning wondering if I had just dreamed yesterday.  Rising from my pillow I gasped at the aching in my head, no doubt the after effects of the dye from the the CT.  Ok, God....what's going on here?  Is it lesson time again?  Or is Satan shooting his darts at me just for grins?!!  Either way, I'm crying 'uncle!'  Not really I guess, for God's lessons are always bringing me to a better place, and as far as Satan goes, well, I'll never give in to his silly games! 

Not so very long ago I was marveling at how smoothly my life seemed to be going....big mistake!  Although I thank my Lord every day for my blessings, health, and all He has provided, perhaps I became a little superficial about it...I just don't know.  Knee problems have given me untold pain the past 3 months, now resulting in upcoming surgery, large basal cell removed with 35 stitches a few weeks back,  dissolving teeth under a very expensive bridge will need to be replaced with implants costing thousands, time for a follow up appointment for my glaucoma, cataracts and macular degeneration and to boot, I woke up yesterday morning with the worst pain in my lower left abdomen!  A day spent under IV pain meds, Cat Scan and waiting for the results.  Five hours into it, they came and when the  doctor pulled up her chair to 'go over' some things, I knew I was in trouble!  My eyes shot over to daughter Denise, as if she could take some of the fear away from me....her eyes were as full of fear as mine.

Large mass on the right side of uterus with enlarged uterus and untold 'little things' going on in there!  Little cysts on the kidneys, possible fibroids behind the uterus pushing it forward (no wonder I have a protruding belly!...good excuse anyhow!)  She was very emphatic about scheduling with an OB first thing next week, followed by an oncologist.  Ok, Lord....I'm listening!  I'm reaching out my hand and trusting You will take it and guide me through this process, whatever it turns out to be. 

Life isn't always easy is it?  We take it as it comes, sometimes for granted, sometimes questioning, other times praising Him for undeserved mercy and grace,....that's just the way life is.  We walk those hills and valleys, we suffer great losses and our sorrow seems endless, we may even feel as if we're loosing our way in times of distress, the test seemingly more than we can endure.  He knows,...He's waiting,...He never lets go, for great is His love and His faithfulness is forever with us.

Today I have no idea what the future will bring, but I know who holds the future.  I'm fearful right now because aren't we always afraid of the unknown?  The Psalms have given me comfort today....Blessed is he whose help is God,...whose hope is in the Lord.....The Lord is near to all who call upon Him...He hears their cries.   Ps. 146:2 rings true to me as I face an unknown path.."I will praise the Lord all my life, I will sing praise to my God as long as I live."

THEIR TIME.....

I discovered something this past week, or perhaps I should say, I was reminded of something this week, the art of listening.  I'm not very good at it, nor are many others.  It's difficult, especially when there seems to be swarms of facts about yourself and your circumstances that are just begging to be spoken.  When was the last time I just sat quietly and listened, gently nodding my head either in agreement or as a gesture of compassion?  When was the last time I merely let another pour out their heart, soul or sadness?  When was the last time I allowed another to share their joy without jumping in and trying to share mine?   When did we, as a society, stop giving one another 'their time?'

Pain causes one to become epically self-centered!  After going in to have a simple basal cell removed and coming home with a 4" incision and 35 stitches, I was rather discontent with the discomfort!  No bending, twisting, reaching etc. for several days...no showers for two days...disgruntled?  You bet!  Adding to the drama was the continuing pain of the torn miniscus in my knee, causing double duty pain!  I wanted someone to LISTEN to my whining!  Enter stage right, my hero's!

News travels fast among friends doesn't it?  Soon the phone calls began to come in.  Need any food?  How about cleaning or laundry?  Can I drive you anywhere?  All genuine, heartfelt questions from friends who care, but you know what the best part was?  After all the inquiries, they asked how I was doing!  "Really, how ARE you doing?" and then they let me begin my tale of woe and pain without interruption!  That's all  I needed....a little time I call 'their time,' but now it involved me.  Lesson learned.

In the past several days (even months if I count 'knee time.') I have learned that:

Other's have heart wrenching circumstances that need to be heard....give them 'their time!'
Resist the temptation to jump in and share your problems when they've trusted you with theirs.
Let them speak without offering advice unless asked, and then be very careful.
REALLY listen to them, nothing offends more than someone half listening, giving the impression they'd rather be someplace else.
Don't call and ask 'how are you' and then trail off onto another subject, indicating you're just making a courtesy call but really don't give a good gosh darn.  This applies to face to face time as well as hospital visits.
And remember, it's never 'all about me'.....stop, listen, and stay out of the conversation.

I have some wonderful friends and family!  They did all of the above for me!  That's what got me to thinking about this.....how often have I given them 'their time?'   I want to be the person they can feel safe with, that allows them to share their deepest concerns without condemnation, to know when I say I will pray, that I will,  and that I will always be here to listen and give them.....their time.

                                                                           GETTING TO KNOW ME..                                                                    

The softly falling rain, almost a mist, was a welcome respite from the tremendous storm last night.  I poured myself a cup of coffee, added the sugar free vanilla creamer and headed to the covered front porch to sit, rock and absorb the peacefulness of this Saturday morning.  The birds were loving it!  Red cardinals, yellow finches,  tiny house wrens flitting back and forth between the trees….must feel so good to them after the depressing heat of this summer.  I toyed with the idea of walking to the middle of the yard, lifting my face skyward and allowing the mist to cover my face, but regained my sanity and let that fleeting thought go!  This is the kind of morning I like.  Which got me to thinking….yes, here I go ‘thinking’ again!  But my thought was:  how much do we really know about each other?  Our likes, our dislikes,  our who cares?

I remember having a conversation with my husband several years ago about this very subject, and we began to question one another about things that meant a lot to us that perhaps we had missed during our long journey together.  He flunked!  But that was really ok, because his ‘love language’ was in the ‘doing’ more than in the touchy, feely things.  I passed his questioning but I think that may be a woman thing.  Anyhow, (I regress),  I began to wonder how much do my friends and family really know about me, so I’m going to write some things down…..sounds self-centered I know, but it really isn’t.  To actually begin to understand someone,  it’s a good idea to know these things and use them to nurture relationships because, let’s face it,  familiarity has it’s rewards as we build friendships and family understandings.  I bet just by reading what I’ve written so far allows a person to know a little about me already! 

Yes, you guessed it, I love the misty, soft rain….it makes me feel nurtured.  I suppose it’s because it is doing just that to the earth, making everything green and beautiful…coming down gently, not forcefully, but with the caring touch of a mother.  This morning it is watering my favorite flower, the daisy.  Can anything look as pure as a daisy?  Brilliant white, with an explosive touch of bright yellow touching it’s center.  I could stare at one all day, it’s beauty filling me with peace.  Thank you Lord, for this beauty!  The smell of the fresh mown grass fills my senses, loving how it fills the air with it’s warm aroma.  Oh how I wish I could bottle this for the long winter months!  My favorite color?  Shades of green….I pick no particular one…some being subtle, others quite vivid! They all bring a sense of well being to me….perhaps that is why I use it so fluently in my home.  How about my favorite emotion?  Of course that would be love, indescribable, butterfly, quivering heart love....the depth of the feeling denys explanation.....but you know what?  I love laughter!  Life can toss us so many harsh realities, that when I can experience a good belly laugh or hear one, it fills me with hope….hope that there really is a brighter side to everything!  Favorite thing to do?  Share time with family or friends.  I’ve never understood the need to fill time with busyness for busyness sake.  I know it’s good to have times of action packed fun, but I’m talking favorites here…so that for me is sharing time.  Perhaps I didn’t have enough of that growing up, so now I crave it …but it’s a good thing!  Call me boring…it tis what it tis! 

And what is my favorite food?  Why Mexican of course!  Is there any other?  And I hope and pray this ol’ body will be able to withstand the after effects of a good Mexican meal for a long, long time!  With each new restaurant I visit I must try their tamales….so few make really great ones!  They’re actually not my favorite item, but hey, I still must try them!  Which brings me to dessert.  Skip chocolate anything  but bring on everything else!   Seriously, give me a big hunk of moist, heavy, raisin and walnut laden carrot cake and I’ll love you forever!

 Unfortunately, with type 2 diabetes, I must quench my desire for a good dessert which makes me very, very crabby!  How about candy bars…..a Payday and a Pepsi changes my outlook and turns a bad day into a glad day!  J  Ya, I could probably live on sweets which undoubtedly brought me to my current situation today…diabetes and a very unfortunate looking body!  Ah well, we only live once!

Entertainment.  Give me a good movie, one where I can cheer the hero, cry my eyes out, laugh till I hurt, or simply leave the movie house with a feeling of complete satisfaction.  But specifically,…a story of hardship, where good overcomes evil, and bad times give way to happiness…those warm my heart the most, and I definitely prefer the obscene to be left out....it doesn't add to the meaning in any way. 

I’ve always loved music…my mom once told me that I starting singing with the radio about age 4, and I could sing along to all the top tunes!  With the various decades, I've changed my ‘likes’ until finally I settled into  something that gives me pleasure whenever I hear it….Easy Listening, soft ballads…anything that soothes my soul.  My husband thought I loved Country Western because he did….I didn’t, but never let on that I didn’t.  At times I thought if I heard one more Johnny Cash song I would vomit!  But it brought him joy and that helped me endure it.  I’m so happy I did that, because now with nothing but time to myself I realize making someone else happy is more important than my selfish desires.  Besides, I could always crank up my kind of music in my car!

Clothes?  Well, I’m a tomboy at heart, always have been, so I’m most comfortable in jeans and a sweater, stocking feet, a good book and a cup of coffee. Casual is my middle name.  Dressing up brings me down.  Don’t get me wrong,..I can do it up good when the occasion calls for it,…buuuuuuuuuuut! I’d rather not.  Shopping gives me pleasure and an item found on sale brings ecstasy!   Jewelry?  Very little.  My hands are too big for rings, my neck too fat for neckaces, so earrings are the jewelry of choice.  Throw in the occasional bracelet that’s big enough to go around a truck drivers wrist and there ya go!  Big momma ready to take on the town!  J

So, in general, I have many things that I like…..my church, a good sermon, teaching Bible studies,   volunteering,  laughing, singing, gardening, tennis, golf, biking,  reading, writing,  good coffee, fun, shopping, travel, quiet evenings watching my favorite TV shows,  movies,  walking, cook books, listening to the sounds of early morning,  feeling the warmth of the sun through a window on a cold winters day,  a cozy fireplace,  surprise gifts, unexpected phone calls, keeping in touch with old friends, making new friends,  cherishing current friends,  memories,  enjoying visits from my grands, but there are few things that I love deeply….  Jesus my Lord, my children, my grandchildren, my sisters and brother and the love I had with my husband that will fill my heart forever.  Sometimes I feel we throw the word 'love' around too easily without really realizing the intensity of the meaning.  I personally do not believe I can describe it...but I know I can feel it, and this too is from God.

 Deep within, my biggest desire is to be known, really known.  What a blessing it is to take the time to really get to know someone,...not only were we created for fellowship with God, but with on another.  Many of the things I’ve listed are superficial, non-essential things.  What I really want to leave as a legacy to my family and friends is that they remember me for who I really was.  A mother and grandmother who loved deeply, who would have given her life and all she had for her children and grandchildren, and  a wife who cherished her husband through thick and thin, .. a friend you could count on, a prayer warrior for those in need,  and a woman who lived a life that glorified God in all she did.  Now that’s what I’d really like.

Turning the Pages

She came the other day.....The Realtor. Hoisting a For Sale sign and placing it in my yard, I sensed it was staring back at me as if to say, "Are you sure this is what you want to do? Do you really want me to scream out to those passing by that this is the end, that you've decided to turn the page and move on?" The bright red lettering shouts 'For Sale!' 'For Sale!', holding on it's cold steel sides, a sense of expectation and of closure.

How can I put a price tag on the past 13 years in this, my home? How can I sell the memories that were made here? What about the countless hours watching my grandchildren arrive as wee babies and grow to handsome, beautiful teens. How can I cut short time to spend with my 3 year old grandson, who has just begun to fill my home with giggles and grins and shouts of "I love you grandma!" He was not blessed with the companionship of his grandpa like the others were, but heaven help me, I have been trying to fill that vacancy with all the love this old grandma can muster up. I pray he will remember that love when I'm gone, as I will. The last of 9 grands, he has filled me with wonder! I cannot bare to think of life without him so I shall visit often.

My mind rolls back to the many summer days when all the grands would come over for a romp in the little three ring rubber pool, stopping just long enough for a quick bite of lunch on the miniature picnic table and back to rolling down the feather soft grass hill, amid screeches of glee! The many games we played, kicking the ball up hill, learning to hit a ball off the tee, throwing baseballs and footballs, badmitton, even a golf hole! So many things they would think to do....a favorite being digging a hole in the garden before planting, that would be nearly as tall as they were! These were precious years that will forever be captured deep inside my cache of memories and hopefully they too will draw on them in the years to come and perhaps smile a little for the fun times. These years flew by quickly and their focus began to turn to team sports and with pride and adoration we watched so many games and cheered as only adoring grandparents could do. I am so glad grandpa was around to see much of this and I know the children will remember him forever! I love each one with a love everlasting and pray that this love will linger with them long after I have departed.

And then there are my daughters. With pride and joy I have watched them blossom from young inexperienced mothers, to mature, wise, giving, Godly, parents. What a privilege to have been here and shared their lives and of course my son in laws. What joy to have been able to accompany them with their ups and downs, to have laughed and cried, and journeyed these years together. It has given my life such fulfillment...a fulfillment they will not experience until their children have become parents and given them this opportunity. Time has sped by much too quickly I might add, and I wish with all my heart that we had spent it a little more wisely, a little more closely, but also understanding that they were processing their own lives and forming their childrens lives and I just pause and praise God for this season of life that I did have with them. To just imagine that I have been a part of all of this is a miracle and I will tuck these memories safely in a special part of my heart to occasionally bring out and cherish.

I turn from the kitchen window, cross the room and step into my backyard. There they are again! Those memories! I stand quietly as the breeze touches my cheeks with a reassuring feeling, as if my beloved were saying, 'it's ok, we had our time here, it is now time for you to go, time for you to become you, to start life anew, where winters treat you kindly and summers hold anticipation for things to come.' Yes, endings are always hard. My eyes follow the fence line that was finished on the last day of his life,..they strain to see the garden spot he so faithfully fenced in for me so the rabbits would quit devouring my planted veggies. I stand amazed at the workmanship of the stone stairs he built so I wouldn't have to climb up the slippery hill to the garden. I see the timbers stacked and filled with soil so I could fill it full of flowers, the shed he built to store the tools and lawn equipment, the graveled area installed for placement of his boat and trailer. I had cried when the deck was torn off to make room for the new addition and along with it the gazebo was to be destroyed. He understood how I loved it and called on relatives and friedns to help him move it to it's new location at the end of the patio, where it it now stands so stately, filled with flowers and vines as a respite from the heat of the warm summer days. His main purpose was to make this place a home, a sanctuary of love, a home that felt safe. How can I leave a home that virtually holds a myriad of memories that fill my heart? Because it's time.

I can no longer keep it as it should be kept and feel the need to close the door before it begins to show the age that I am beginning to feel. It was a good life shared with my husband, we made this house a home, with a door always open and arms ready to hold our loved ones, but this past winter, with it's harsh winds and heaping snow, made me realize I could do it no longer. I am not proud of the fact that I hate to ask for help, but it is a fact, and I do not feel it is fair to impose on those I love to help me....they have their own lives to maintain, as well they should, and I am so, so grateful for the time they did give me. I understand how precious time is to them during this season of their lives. This will be best for all...but mostly for me.

I leave behind a piece of my heart, but no regrets, for the years have been good, and the memories will warm me the rest of my life and the love that has been shown and given to me will be thought of often with gratitude and humility. And so I close this chapter of my life, and slowly turn the page to begin the final pages. For really, what is life but pages filled with stories, memories and love....and I still have time to write a few more..

Exposing My Victim Mentality

I love reading. Sometimes however, what I read exposes an area in my life that causes me to wiggle around in my chair. This particular book did that to me. It pointed a finger, it caused conviction, it set my mind to thinking. Mind you...the whole book touched on areas that were of value, but didn't puncture the psychie like this particular chapter....on having a victim mentality. Ouch! Was this guy peeking in my window? How did he know so much about my inner mindset, my passive aggressive talk and behavior? As I read the pages of this particular chapter I began to think ...'now he's meddling!' But that was just the conviction rising to the top! Setting the book aside, I immediately turned to God in prayer. "Lord, why do these words cause such uneasiness? Why haven't I noticed these traits in myself before? What are you trying to teach me through this man's words?" Picking up the book once again, I began to reread the chapter, this time much slower with deeper purpose, stopping periodically to really soak in a particular sentence or thought. Finally, I reached up, clicked off the lamp, rolled over on my right side, closed my eyes and wept.

My tears weren't for me, my tears were for my family and friends. The people I love deeply and
I'm convinced love me. You see, since my husband died 4 years ago I now realize I have developed a victim's mentality. What you ask, is a victim's mentality? As best I can relate, it is a comfort zone to which we run after disaster strikes, like the loss of a loved one. At first we welcome sympathy in the hour of our need, but then that season should pass, if it doesn't, we remain in the 'expectation zone,' or the 'If Only' place. Expecting more sympathy, expecting understanding, jumping on the if only wagon...if only my friends and family understood what I'm going through, if only I would have (insert your regret), if only my hurt could be heard.
Oh yes, I have become a master of eliciting feelings of sympathy and guilt in others. And as the author states...it's usually thinking they don't do enough or care enough. Once again...OUCH! My beautiful family and my devoted friends did all they could do to support me, but it always seemed to come up short...that's a victim's mentality. Victimhood is a needy state, it sucks the energy out of others and myself. I see it now, I confess it, I ask for forgiveness and I intend to take steps away from it. I can change my mind and actions regarding this life struggle...the author states it better than I could..."make a choice, choose to nourish the survivor in you and ignore your inner victim."

The author suggest's I make a gratitude list (sounds like an Oprah line!), and I know it is beneficial. My list is two pages front and back! Can you imagine??? I call it my 'blessings' list, for when I focus on what God has blessed me with, instead of the negative expectations, it becomes clear that He and He alone supplies my needs according to His riches in glory....I need not manipulate others for them. I hereby confess, and reject my victim mentality of living in the past, self-pity, resentment, blaming, and taking and expecting more than I was willing to give.

My tears now are tears of hope. Hope that I can make amends where amends are due, give where giving is needed, and love that reaches out without thinking what it will cost me. Can I now ask for forgiveness and extend my heart of love to each one of my precious family members and the friends who have so faithfully stood by me through this season of my gigantic pity party! These are good tears, because I know in my heart you will receive my words with compassion and love. I love you all!

Mother, Mom, Momma.....

It's Mother's Day, 5:50 a.m. The sun is just peeking at me on what seems to be a glorious day in the making. I caught a glimpse of a photo of my mom as I walked by the side table and realized just how much I miss this woman. There's not one particular memory that stands out, but several 'snapshots' buzzing through my mind this morning. She was not a perfect mother, nor was she a demonstrative type, but she was a special momma. Here's what is flashing through my mind's eye this morning:

Making sure we were sent to Sunday School every Sunday even if her and dad never went. This meant Saturday night baths and the sitting still in what seemed like forever, so she could twirl my hair around on her finger and fasten with a bobbi pin. Not just a few, but over the entire head! Yes, her children would always be presentable in church!

The apron. Growing up I cannot remember her without one on during the day. I think she got this from grandma who one day even forgot to take hers off when she went to church! Those pockets held untold oddities that she would pick up around the house and deposit in the correct place....things I'm sure us kids left lying about. It wiped up spills, kept her hands clean, protected her dress and gave me comfort. This multipurposed item represented the stay at home mom that she was during my formitive years. I have a few aprons even today.

The 'wait until your dad gets home' voice! Mom was a good 'yeller' but seldom carried through with her discipline. She left the dispensing of that to my Father. So if that was ever heard, it brought the fear of God to me....thank heaven I was a pretty 'perfect' child! Ya right!

Her laugh. Full bodied, light hearted, fun, accompanied by the ever present 'oh my stars alivin'' statement afterward. I always loved to hear her laugh. You see, even as a young child, I knew we were poor and that mom didn't have as much as my friends mom's did, so when I heard her laugh, it made me happy. Through the years, she never lost that laugh, that squinted twinkle in her eyes....thanks mom, for your laugh, I smile even now remembering it.

Her sewing talents. Oh my, this woman loved to sew! My sis and I were often seen in the same style dresses sewn with hands of love. Her, handsewn square dance dresses were beyond beautiful....they were works of art and people would often buy them when she was tired of the dress and moved on to making another. She gave me my love of sewing, a legacy that I still employ today

Her cooking. Now mind you, she was no gourmet cook, but momma could look in the fridge, pull out leftovers, put a pot on to boil and make the best soup or casserole in the land! She made dinners special with whatever there was too eat and made sure we were always gathered around the table. It had to be a real good reason if we were not home for supper! Every supper ended with dessert! Yes, momma could bake,...rarely were there store bought goodies for this family! Oh yes, I still have to have a small piece of sweet after I eat....another legacy! :)

Her gifts. Mom never forgot a birthday. With five children it was hard to provide, but darn if she didn't come up with a gift sweetly wrapped and full of expectation for us. Sometimes it was something we really needed, other times just a small fun gift. No matter, it always was accompanied by a birthday cake and lots of singing! As the years went by, she never forgot, and there in the mail would be her little offering of love. Sometimes as adults we would laugh at her attempts...I so regret that now. I realize now they were always given out of genuine caring....I am sorry momma...I love you!

I imagine I could go on and on and on, but I won't. Mother was not without her faults as none of us mom's are. I'm painfully aware of that today with my own children. But I can truly say from the bottom of my heart, that looking back I can enjoy the feelings of her love, warmth, giving and caring ways and hope that somehow she knows how much I loved her and still do. She passed down such a legacy to me that even now I stop to ask, "I wonder what mom would do." Isn't that the ultimate gift? Thank you mom, for giving me a life full of wonderment, of direction, of example. You were loved then and you are loved now. Until we meet again at the foot of the cross....I love you Momma, happy Mother's Day!