Life is full of valuable lessons. Some we learn along the way, others take a little while longer in retrospect. After my husband passed away and I entered that dark period of grieving, I learned how to help others go through that darkness, basically because of how others treated me in that process. Valuable lessons of do's and don'ts which I never would have learned had I not traveled that path. Some positive, some negative...but lessons regardless.
Recently I entered another period of life that have caused me to open up to even more valuable lessons. Beginning in September, 2011 a series of unexpected surgeries happened. Large basel cell surgery removal, requiring 37 stitches and the inability to bend, twist, reach, sit comfortably, rise without pain,...well you get the picture. No sooner did I recover from that, the knee which had given me untold pain from an earlier injury, a torn meniscus, ended up needing surgery. Great expectations for complete relief have not materialized and I remain in a good deal of pain. Well, God must have some lessons of His own to teach me, because I was then given a large benign uterine mass that required a complete hysterectomy which revealed a strange little secondary tumor that indicated the possibility of cancer. That little tumor took a trip to Mayo clinic for diagnosis...just a precursor to possible future cancer's...no big deal..just followup appointments to keep a handle on things! All of the above are inconveniences in life, to say the least, but can certainly be used for good. Each experience gave me time to think, to ponder on God's reasoning...to just let go and let God show me. I learned dependence on Him, I learned He never leaves me, I learned He is my strength, I learned I can trust Him above any other, I learned of His unconditional love for me, even when I questioned. On the other side, I should have learned to swallow my pride and let others do for me as they asked. I learned that I allowed them to miss the blessing of helping me, and I learned that in being prideful I only hurt myself. Oh yes, a few faithful friends from church provided some meals...how wonderful that was! I pridefully stopped them after several delivered meals, thinking I could do it myself. How silly of me! Pride and independence are hateful little things! They cause us to look to ourselves instead of allowing God to work through others!
WHAT THEY SAID: How are you?
WHAT I SAID: Fine
WHAT I MEANT: In some pain, but sure would enjoy a little company.
WHAT THEY SAID: How can I help?
WHAT I SAID: I can handle it
WHAT I MEANT: Could you come and see what needs attention, that sure
would be helpful!
WHAT THEY SAID: Can I bring a warm meal?
WHAT I SAID: I'm ok
WHAT I MEANT: Oh, that would be nice...I can fix a meal but I get so tired!
WHAT THEY SAID: I can drive you to your appointment.
WHAT I SAID: I can manage
WHAT I MEANT: Thanks! It's so uncomfortable driving right now.
WHAT THEY SAID: I know that oncologist appointment will be hard, can I come with you?
WHAT I SAID: It's no big deal, thanks anyhow.
WHAT I MEANT: I'm so frightened at what I may hear, your company would give me great comfort!
Yes, pride is ugly. I missed out on so many blessings from others! When a friend reaches out a hand, take it! Independence is a lonely path, it does not allow others to give a blessing. Yes, I have learned, perhaps a little late, but nonetheless learned, when others request permission to enter my life during times of need, I need to grant that permission! Friends and family are God's special angels, sent to walk with us in our time of need...allow God to use them! It will make the journey so much easier!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
One Simple Act
I saw the dry leaves piling up in a corner of my front porch this morning. Normally, I would just grab the ol' beatup broom from the garage and get to sweeping, but the heavy cane I was grasping in my right hand, reminded me that I was not so mobile. Oh, heck....I can do this! Hobbling to the door that exits to the garage, I reached out, pulled it too me and proceeded to the porch. Hopping off the entrance stoop, I commenced to put the broom under my armpit and began some vigorous strokes! Said broom handle slipped out of armpit and whacked me in the jaw! Not to be deterred from my mission, I lay my cane across the white wicker rocking chair and steadied myself with the broom handle, placing all my weight over to the right leg, leaving the wretched left knee dangling precariously, knowing that I could put pressure on it but really not wanting too, due to it's sudden action of buckling when I least expect it. Mission accomplished, maybe not so fastidiously, but accomplished!
And why pray tell, do I share this with you? Three neighbors were in their yards, doing what I suppose are the things you do in the fall to get ready for winter, two of which never looked up, one giving me a quick wave before ducking his head back to the business at hand. 14 years of living side by side with these neighbors and not one knew that I had knee surgery. How sad is that!? I'm not pointing fingers, I'm just stating a sad, sad fact that during all those years, we did not develop even the slightest of relationships so that we would know when another is in need. The quick waves as we leave our driveways, the brief exchange of pleasantries on the front lawn once or twice during the summer months leave no room for developing any kind of relationship with our neighbors.
My mind does a free fall back many, many years when we knew almost too much about our
neighbors! We watched each others kids, we sent hot dishes over if sickness came, we shared secrets,
we helped. Yes, helped. How many Saturday mornings if the guys were out doing something in the yard or garage, did one or several of the neighbor guys show up and eventually help finish up a job which would otherwise have taken hours. How often did my wonderful gal neighbors pop in to help me paint, show me how to sew something when I was stuck, sit down with a cup of tea and listen to each others problems, or just enjoy some warm summer sunshine on the front porch steps? When did this exchange of neighborliness die out? Oh, I know there are still those neighborhoods that make it a practice to enjoy each other's company, and that makes me smile, for it brings back that warm feeling of remembering, being part of something, feeling safe and valued, just simply enjoying life. But I fear those are the exception to the rule of present day neighbors.
Yesterdays were slower paced, most mom's didn't work, we jointly watched the neighborhood. There were no computers, Ipods, IPhones, texting, 100's of TV channels. Most kids picked a sport or two with very little practices thrown in, no hectic racing from one thing to another, more family time and always time to see if there was one simple act we could do for our neighbor in time of need. I guess I'd call it 'priorities.' When we've reached the point where sports, self-interest, down right fatigue come between our committment to attending worship, or youth activities at church, well, it's time to stop the madness. Even God rested on the seventh day! Well, I didn't mean to get on a tangent here and include society as a whole.....but to simply remind myself how important it is to slow down, know thy neighbor and never be too busy or preoccupied with self to render 'one simple act' that may cause another some relief, heck maybe even bring a smile! My daughters showed those simple acts in so many ways,...ways that required no words....just acts of simple love.
This 'knee thing' brought many well wishes, cards, phone calls, inquiries if they could help with anything,....all nice, all well meaning, but you know what brought tears to my eyes? A knock on the door, a smiling face and a bag with homemade soup and bread. No 'pre-plans', no 'what can I do for you', just a simple act of kindness and a genuine word...."I just wanted to share my soup with you."
And why pray tell, do I share this with you? Three neighbors were in their yards, doing what I suppose are the things you do in the fall to get ready for winter, two of which never looked up, one giving me a quick wave before ducking his head back to the business at hand. 14 years of living side by side with these neighbors and not one knew that I had knee surgery. How sad is that!? I'm not pointing fingers, I'm just stating a sad, sad fact that during all those years, we did not develop even the slightest of relationships so that we would know when another is in need. The quick waves as we leave our driveways, the brief exchange of pleasantries on the front lawn once or twice during the summer months leave no room for developing any kind of relationship with our neighbors.
My mind does a free fall back many, many years when we knew almost too much about our
neighbors! We watched each others kids, we sent hot dishes over if sickness came, we shared secrets,
we helped. Yes, helped. How many Saturday mornings if the guys were out doing something in the yard or garage, did one or several of the neighbor guys show up and eventually help finish up a job which would otherwise have taken hours. How often did my wonderful gal neighbors pop in to help me paint, show me how to sew something when I was stuck, sit down with a cup of tea and listen to each others problems, or just enjoy some warm summer sunshine on the front porch steps? When did this exchange of neighborliness die out? Oh, I know there are still those neighborhoods that make it a practice to enjoy each other's company, and that makes me smile, for it brings back that warm feeling of remembering, being part of something, feeling safe and valued, just simply enjoying life. But I fear those are the exception to the rule of present day neighbors.
Yesterdays were slower paced, most mom's didn't work, we jointly watched the neighborhood. There were no computers, Ipods, IPhones, texting, 100's of TV channels. Most kids picked a sport or two with very little practices thrown in, no hectic racing from one thing to another, more family time and always time to see if there was one simple act we could do for our neighbor in time of need. I guess I'd call it 'priorities.' When we've reached the point where sports, self-interest, down right fatigue come between our committment to attending worship, or youth activities at church, well, it's time to stop the madness. Even God rested on the seventh day! Well, I didn't mean to get on a tangent here and include society as a whole.....but to simply remind myself how important it is to slow down, know thy neighbor and never be too busy or preoccupied with self to render 'one simple act' that may cause another some relief, heck maybe even bring a smile! My daughters showed those simple acts in so many ways,...ways that required no words....just acts of simple love.
This 'knee thing' brought many well wishes, cards, phone calls, inquiries if they could help with anything,....all nice, all well meaning, but you know what brought tears to my eyes? A knock on the door, a smiling face and a bag with homemade soup and bread. No 'pre-plans', no 'what can I do for you', just a simple act of kindness and a genuine word...."I just wanted to share my soup with you."
Sunday, October 16, 2011
The Lord is Near..
I woke up this morning wondering if I had just dreamed yesterday. Rising from my pillow I gasped at the aching in my head, no doubt the after effects of the dye from the the CT. Ok, God....what's going on here? Is it lesson time again? Or is Satan shooting his darts at me just for grins?!! Either way, I'm crying 'uncle!' Not really I guess, for God's lessons are always bringing me to a better place, and as far as Satan goes, well, I'll never give in to his silly games!
Not so very long ago I was marveling at how smoothly my life seemed to be going....big mistake! Although I thank my Lord every day for my blessings, health, and all He has provided, perhaps I became a little superficial about it...I just don't know. Knee problems have given me untold pain the past 3 months, now resulting in upcoming surgery, large basal cell removed with 35 stitches a few weeks back, dissolving teeth under a very expensive bridge will need to be replaced with implants costing thousands, time for a follow up appointment for my glaucoma, cataracts and macular degeneration and to boot, I woke up yesterday morning with the worst pain in my lower left abdomen! A day spent under IV pain meds, Cat Scan and waiting for the results. Five hours into it, they came and when the doctor pulled up her chair to 'go over' some things, I knew I was in trouble! My eyes shot over to daughter Denise, as if she could take some of the fear away from me....her eyes were as full of fear as mine.
Large mass on the right side of uterus with enlarged uterus and untold 'little things' going on in there! Little cysts on the kidneys, possible fibroids behind the uterus pushing it forward (no wonder I have a protruding belly!...good excuse anyhow!) She was very emphatic about scheduling with an OB first thing next week, followed by an oncologist. Ok, Lord....I'm listening! I'm reaching out my hand and trusting You will take it and guide me through this process, whatever it turns out to be.
Life isn't always easy is it? We take it as it comes, sometimes for granted, sometimes questioning, other times praising Him for undeserved mercy and grace,....that's just the way life is. We walk those hills and valleys, we suffer great losses and our sorrow seems endless, we may even feel as if we're loosing our way in times of distress, the test seemingly more than we can endure. He knows,...He's waiting,...He never lets go, for great is His love and His faithfulness is forever with us.
Today I have no idea what the future will bring, but I know who holds the future. I'm fearful right now because aren't we always afraid of the unknown? The Psalms have given me comfort today....Blessed is he whose help is God,...whose hope is in the Lord.....The Lord is near to all who call upon Him...He hears their cries. Ps. 146:2 rings true to me as I face an unknown path.."I will praise the Lord all my life, I will sing praise to my God as long as I live."
Not so very long ago I was marveling at how smoothly my life seemed to be going....big mistake! Although I thank my Lord every day for my blessings, health, and all He has provided, perhaps I became a little superficial about it...I just don't know. Knee problems have given me untold pain the past 3 months, now resulting in upcoming surgery, large basal cell removed with 35 stitches a few weeks back, dissolving teeth under a very expensive bridge will need to be replaced with implants costing thousands, time for a follow up appointment for my glaucoma, cataracts and macular degeneration and to boot, I woke up yesterday morning with the worst pain in my lower left abdomen! A day spent under IV pain meds, Cat Scan and waiting for the results. Five hours into it, they came and when the doctor pulled up her chair to 'go over' some things, I knew I was in trouble! My eyes shot over to daughter Denise, as if she could take some of the fear away from me....her eyes were as full of fear as mine.
Large mass on the right side of uterus with enlarged uterus and untold 'little things' going on in there! Little cysts on the kidneys, possible fibroids behind the uterus pushing it forward (no wonder I have a protruding belly!...good excuse anyhow!) She was very emphatic about scheduling with an OB first thing next week, followed by an oncologist. Ok, Lord....I'm listening! I'm reaching out my hand and trusting You will take it and guide me through this process, whatever it turns out to be.
Life isn't always easy is it? We take it as it comes, sometimes for granted, sometimes questioning, other times praising Him for undeserved mercy and grace,....that's just the way life is. We walk those hills and valleys, we suffer great losses and our sorrow seems endless, we may even feel as if we're loosing our way in times of distress, the test seemingly more than we can endure. He knows,...He's waiting,...He never lets go, for great is His love and His faithfulness is forever with us.
Today I have no idea what the future will bring, but I know who holds the future. I'm fearful right now because aren't we always afraid of the unknown? The Psalms have given me comfort today....Blessed is he whose help is God,...whose hope is in the Lord.....The Lord is near to all who call upon Him...He hears their cries. Ps. 146:2 rings true to me as I face an unknown path.."I will praise the Lord all my life, I will sing praise to my God as long as I live."
Friday, September 23, 2011
THEIR TIME.....
I discovered something this past week, or perhaps I should say, I was reminded of something this week, the art of listening. I'm not very good at it, nor are many others. It's difficult, especially when there seems to be swarms of facts about yourself and your circumstances that are just begging to be spoken. When was the last time I just sat quietly and listened, gently nodding my head either in agreement or as a gesture of compassion? When was the last time I merely let another pour out their heart, soul or sadness? When was the last time I allowed another to share their joy without jumping in and trying to share mine? When did we, as a society, stop giving one another 'their time?'
Pain causes one to become epically self-centered! After going in to have a simple basal cell removed and coming home with a 4" incision and 35 stitches, I was rather discontent with the discomfort! No bending, twisting, reaching etc. for several days...no showers for two days...disgruntled? You bet! Adding to the drama was the continuing pain of the torn miniscus in my knee, causing double duty pain! I wanted someone to LISTEN to my whining! Enter stage right, my hero's!
News travels fast among friends doesn't it? Soon the phone calls began to come in. Need any food? How about cleaning or laundry? Can I drive you anywhere? All genuine, heartfelt questions from friends who care, but you know what the best part was? After all the inquiries, they asked how I was doing! "Really, how ARE you doing?" and then they let me begin my tale of woe and pain without interruption! That's all I needed....a little time I call 'their time,' but now it involved me. Lesson learned.
In the past several days (even months if I count 'knee time.') I have learned that:
Other's have heart wrenching circumstances that need to be heard....give them 'their time!'
Resist the temptation to jump in and share your problems when they've trusted you with theirs.
Let them speak without offering advice unless asked, and then be very careful.
REALLY listen to them, nothing offends more than someone half listening, giving the impression they'd rather be someplace else.
Don't call and ask 'how are you' and then trail off onto another subject, indicating you're just making a courtesy call but really don't give a good gosh darn. This applies to face to face time as well as hospital visits.
And remember, it's never 'all about me'.....stop, listen, and stay out of the conversation.
I have some wonderful friends and family! They did all of the above for me! That's what got me to thinking about this.....how often have I given them 'their time?' I want to be the person they can feel safe with, that allows them to share their deepest concerns without condemnation, to know when I say I will pray, that I will, and that I will always be here to listen and give them.....their time.
Pain causes one to become epically self-centered! After going in to have a simple basal cell removed and coming home with a 4" incision and 35 stitches, I was rather discontent with the discomfort! No bending, twisting, reaching etc. for several days...no showers for two days...disgruntled? You bet! Adding to the drama was the continuing pain of the torn miniscus in my knee, causing double duty pain! I wanted someone to LISTEN to my whining! Enter stage right, my hero's!
News travels fast among friends doesn't it? Soon the phone calls began to come in. Need any food? How about cleaning or laundry? Can I drive you anywhere? All genuine, heartfelt questions from friends who care, but you know what the best part was? After all the inquiries, they asked how I was doing! "Really, how ARE you doing?" and then they let me begin my tale of woe and pain without interruption! That's all I needed....a little time I call 'their time,' but now it involved me. Lesson learned.
In the past several days (even months if I count 'knee time.') I have learned that:
Other's have heart wrenching circumstances that need to be heard....give them 'their time!'
Resist the temptation to jump in and share your problems when they've trusted you with theirs.
Let them speak without offering advice unless asked, and then be very careful.
REALLY listen to them, nothing offends more than someone half listening, giving the impression they'd rather be someplace else.
Don't call and ask 'how are you' and then trail off onto another subject, indicating you're just making a courtesy call but really don't give a good gosh darn. This applies to face to face time as well as hospital visits.
And remember, it's never 'all about me'.....stop, listen, and stay out of the conversation.
I have some wonderful friends and family! They did all of the above for me! That's what got me to thinking about this.....how often have I given them 'their time?' I want to be the person they can feel safe with, that allows them to share their deepest concerns without condemnation, to know when I say I will pray, that I will, and that I will always be here to listen and give them.....their time.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
GETTING TO KNOW ME..
The softly falling rain, almost a mist, was a welcome respite from the tremendous storm last night. I poured myself a cup of coffee, added the sugar free vanilla creamer and headed to the covered front porch to sit, rock and absorb the peacefulness of this Saturday morning. The birds were loving it! Red cardinals, yellow finches, tiny house wrens flitting back and forth between the trees….must feel so good to them after the depressing heat of this summer. I toyed with the idea of walking to the middle of the yard, lifting my face skyward and allowing the mist to cover my face, but regained my sanity and let that fleeting thought go! This is the kind of morning I like. Which got me to thinking….yes, here I go ‘thinking’ again! But my thought was: how much do we really know about each other? Our likes, our dislikes, our who cares?
I remember having a conversation with my husband several years ago about this very subject, and we began to question one another about things that meant a lot to us that perhaps we had missed during our long journey together. He flunked! But that was really ok, because his ‘love language’ was in the ‘doing’ more than in the touchy, feely things. I passed his questioning but I think that may be a woman thing. Anyhow, (I regress), I began to wonder how much do my friends and family really know about me, so I’m going to write some things down…..sounds self-centered I know, but it really isn’t. To actually begin to understand someone, it’s a good idea to know these things and use them to nurture relationships because, let’s face it, familiarity has it’s rewards as we build friendships and family understandings. I bet just by reading what I’ve written so far allows a person to know a little about me already!
Yes, you guessed it, I love the misty, soft rain….it makes me feel nurtured. I suppose it’s because it is doing just that to the earth, making everything green and beautiful…coming down gently, not forcefully, but with the caring touch of a mother. This morning it is watering my favorite flower, the daisy. Can anything look as pure as a daisy? Brilliant white, with an explosive touch of bright yellow touching it’s center. I could stare at one all day, it’s beauty filling me with peace. Thank you Lord, for this beauty! The smell of the fresh mown grass fills my senses, loving how it fills the air with it’s warm aroma. Oh how I wish I could bottle this for the long winter months! My favorite color? Shades of green….I pick no particular one…some being subtle, others quite vivid! They all bring a sense of well being to me….perhaps that is why I use it so fluently in my home. How about my favorite emotion? Of course that would be love, indescribable, butterfly, quivering heart love....the depth of the feeling denys explanation.....but you know what? I love laughter! Life can toss us so many harsh realities, that when I can experience a good belly laugh or hear one, it fills me with hope….hope that there really is a brighter side to everything! Favorite thing to do? Share time with family or friends. I’ve never understood the need to fill time with busyness for busyness sake. I know it’s good to have times of action packed fun, but I’m talking favorites here…so that for me is sharing time. Perhaps I didn’t have enough of that growing up, so now I crave it …but it’s a good thing! Call me boring…it tis what it tis!
And what is my favorite food? Why Mexican of course! Is there any other? And I hope and pray this ol’ body will be able to withstand the after effects of a good Mexican meal for a long, long time! With each new restaurant I visit I must try their tamales….so few make really great ones! They’re actually not my favorite item, but hey, I still must try them! Which brings me to dessert. Skip chocolate anything but bring on everything else! Seriously, give me a big hunk of moist, heavy, raisin and walnut laden carrot cake and I’ll love you forever!
Unfortunately, with type 2 diabetes, I must quench my desire for a good dessert which makes me very, very crabby! How about candy bars…..a Payday and a Pepsi changes my outlook and turns a bad day into a glad day! J Ya, I could probably live on sweets which undoubtedly brought me to my current situation today…diabetes and a very unfortunate looking body! Ah well, we only live once!
Entertainment. Give me a good movie, one where I can cheer the hero, cry my eyes out, laugh till I hurt, or simply leave the movie house with a feeling of complete satisfaction. But specifically,…a story of hardship, where good overcomes evil, and bad times give way to happiness…those warm my heart the most, and I definitely prefer the obscene to be left out....it doesn't add to the meaning in any way.
I’ve always loved music…my mom once told me that I starting singing with the radio about age 4, and I could sing along to all the top tunes! With the various decades, I've changed my ‘likes’ until finally I settled into something that gives me pleasure whenever I hear it….Easy Listening, soft ballads…anything that soothes my soul. My husband thought I loved Country Western because he did….I didn’t, but never let on that I didn’t. At times I thought if I heard one more Johnny Cash song I would vomit! But it brought him joy and that helped me endure it. I’m so happy I did that, because now with nothing but time to myself I realize making someone else happy is more important than my selfish desires. Besides, I could always crank up my kind of music in my car!
Clothes? Well, I’m a tomboy at heart, always have been, so I’m most comfortable in jeans and a sweater, stocking feet, a good book and a cup of coffee. Casual is my middle name. Dressing up brings me down. Don’t get me wrong,..I can do it up good when the occasion calls for it,…buuuuuuuuuuut! I’d rather not. Shopping gives me pleasure and an item found on sale brings ecstasy! Jewelry? Very little. My hands are too big for rings, my neck too fat for neckaces, so earrings are the jewelry of choice. Throw in the occasional bracelet that’s big enough to go around a truck drivers wrist and there ya go! Big momma ready to take on the town! J
So, in general, I have many things that I like…..my church, a good sermon, teaching Bible studies, volunteering, laughing, singing, gardening, tennis, golf, biking, reading, writing, good coffee, fun, shopping, travel, quiet evenings watching my favorite TV shows, movies, walking, cook books, listening to the sounds of early morning, feeling the warmth of the sun through a window on a cold winters day, a cozy fireplace, surprise gifts, unexpected phone calls, keeping in touch with old friends, making new friends, cherishing current friends, memories, enjoying visits from my grands, but there are few things that I love deeply…. Jesus my Lord, my children, my grandchildren, my sisters and brother and the love I had with my husband that will fill my heart forever. Sometimes I feel we throw the word 'love' around too easily without really realizing the intensity of the meaning. I personally do not believe I can describe it...but I know I can feel it, and this too is from God.
Deep within, my biggest desire is to be known, really known. What a blessing it is to take the time to really get to know someone,...not only were we created for fellowship with God, but with on another. Many of the things I’ve listed are superficial, non-essential things. What I really want to leave as a legacy to my family and friends is that they remember me for who I really was. A mother and grandmother who loved deeply, who would have given her life and all she had for her children and grandchildren, and a wife who cherished her husband through thick and thin, .. a friend you could count on, a prayer warrior for those in need, and a woman who lived a life that glorified God in all she did. Now that’s what I’d really like.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Turning the Pages
She came the other day.....The Realtor. Hoisting a For Sale sign and placing it in my yard, I sensed it was staring back at me as if to say, "Are you sure this is what you want to do? Do you really want me to scream out to those passing by that this is the end, that you've decided to turn the page and move on?" The bright red lettering shouts 'For Sale!' 'For Sale!', holding on it's cold steel sides, a sense of expectation and of closure.
How can I put a price tag on the past 13 years in this, my home? How can I sell the memories that were made here? What about the countless hours watching my grandchildren arrive as wee babies and grow to handsome, beautiful teens. How can I cut short time to spend with my 3 year old grandson, who has just begun to fill my home with giggles and grins and shouts of "I love you grandma!" He was not blessed with the companionship of his grandpa like the others were, but heaven help me, I have been trying to fill that vacancy with all the love this old grandma can muster up. I pray he will remember that love when I'm gone, as I will. The last of 9 grands, he has filled me with wonder! I cannot bare to think of life without him so I shall visit often.
My mind rolls back to the many summer days when all the grands would come over for a romp in the little three ring rubber pool, stopping just long enough for a quick bite of lunch on the miniature picnic table and back to rolling down the feather soft grass hill, amid screeches of glee! The many games we played, kicking the ball up hill, learning to hit a ball off the tee, throwing baseballs and footballs, badmitton, even a golf hole! So many things they would think to do....a favorite being digging a hole in the garden before planting, that would be nearly as tall as they were! These were precious years that will forever be captured deep inside my cache of memories and hopefully they too will draw on them in the years to come and perhaps smile a little for the fun times. These years flew by quickly and their focus began to turn to team sports and with pride and adoration we watched so many games and cheered as only adoring grandparents could do. I am so glad grandpa was around to see much of this and I know the children will remember him forever! I love each one with a love everlasting and pray that this love will linger with them long after I have departed.
And then there are my daughters. With pride and joy I have watched them blossom from young inexperienced mothers, to mature, wise, giving, Godly, parents. What a privilege to have been here and shared their lives and of course my son in laws. What joy to have been able to accompany them with their ups and downs, to have laughed and cried, and journeyed these years together. It has given my life such fulfillment...a fulfillment they will not experience until their children have become parents and given them this opportunity. Time has sped by much too quickly I might add, and I wish with all my heart that we had spent it a little more wisely, a little more closely, but also understanding that they were processing their own lives and forming their childrens lives and I just pause and praise God for this season of life that I did have with them. To just imagine that I have been a part of all of this is a miracle and I will tuck these memories safely in a special part of my heart to occasionally bring out and cherish.
I turn from the kitchen window, cross the room and step into my backyard. There they are again! Those memories! I stand quietly as the breeze touches my cheeks with a reassuring feeling, as if my beloved were saying, 'it's ok, we had our time here, it is now time for you to go, time for you to become you, to start life anew, where winters treat you kindly and summers hold anticipation for things to come.' Yes, endings are always hard. My eyes follow the fence line that was finished on the last day of his life,..they strain to see the garden spot he so faithfully fenced in for me so the rabbits would quit devouring my planted veggies. I stand amazed at the workmanship of the stone stairs he built so I wouldn't have to climb up the slippery hill to the garden. I see the timbers stacked and filled with soil so I could fill it full of flowers, the shed he built to store the tools and lawn equipment, the graveled area installed for placement of his boat and trailer. I had cried when the deck was torn off to make room for the new addition and along with it the gazebo was to be destroyed. He understood how I loved it and called on relatives and friedns to help him move it to it's new location at the end of the patio, where it it now stands so stately, filled with flowers and vines as a respite from the heat of the warm summer days. His main purpose was to make this place a home, a sanctuary of love, a home that felt safe. How can I leave a home that virtually holds a myriad of memories that fill my heart? Because it's time.
I can no longer keep it as it should be kept and feel the need to close the door before it begins to show the age that I am beginning to feel. It was a good life shared with my husband, we made this house a home, with a door always open and arms ready to hold our loved ones, but this past winter, with it's harsh winds and heaping snow, made me realize I could do it no longer. I am not proud of the fact that I hate to ask for help, but it is a fact, and I do not feel it is fair to impose on those I love to help me....they have their own lives to maintain, as well they should, and I am so, so grateful for the time they did give me. I understand how precious time is to them during this season of their lives. This will be best for all...but mostly for me.
I leave behind a piece of my heart, but no regrets, for the years have been good, and the memories will warm me the rest of my life and the love that has been shown and given to me will be thought of often with gratitude and humility. And so I close this chapter of my life, and slowly turn the page to begin the final pages. For really, what is life but pages filled with stories, memories and love....and I still have time to write a few more..
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Exposing My Victim Mentality
I love reading. Sometimes however, what I read exposes an area in my life that causes me to wiggle around in my chair. This particular book did that to me. It pointed a finger, it caused conviction, it set my mind to thinking. Mind you...the whole book touched on areas that were of value, but didn't puncture the psychie like this particular chapter....on having a victim mentality. Ouch! Was this guy peeking in my window? How did he know so much about my inner mindset, my passive aggressive talk and behavior? As I read the pages of this particular chapter I began to think ...'now he's meddling!' But that was just the conviction rising to the top! Setting the book aside, I immediately turned to God in prayer. "Lord, why do these words cause such uneasiness? Why haven't I noticed these traits in myself before? What are you trying to teach me through this man's words?" Picking up the book once again, I began to reread the chapter, this time much slower with deeper purpose, stopping periodically to really soak in a particular sentence or thought. Finally, I reached up, clicked off the lamp, rolled over on my right side, closed my eyes and wept.
My tears weren't for me, my tears were for my family and friends. The people I love deeply and
I'm convinced love me. You see, since my husband died 4 years ago I now realize I have developed a victim's mentality. What you ask, is a victim's mentality? As best I can relate, it is a comfort zone to which we run after disaster strikes, like the loss of a loved one. At first we welcome sympathy in the hour of our need, but then that season should pass, if it doesn't, we remain in the 'expectation zone,' or the 'If Only' place. Expecting more sympathy, expecting understanding, jumping on the if only wagon...if only my friends and family understood what I'm going through, if only I would have (insert your regret), if only my hurt could be heard.
Oh yes, I have become a master of eliciting feelings of sympathy and guilt in others. And as the author states...it's usually thinking they don't do enough or care enough. Once again...OUCH! My beautiful family and my devoted friends did all they could do to support me, but it always seemed to come up short...that's a victim's mentality. Victimhood is a needy state, it sucks the energy out of others and myself. I see it now, I confess it, I ask for forgiveness and I intend to take steps away from it. I can change my mind and actions regarding this life struggle...the author states it better than I could..."make a choice, choose to nourish the survivor in you and ignore your inner victim."
The author suggest's I make a gratitude list (sounds like an Oprah line!), and I know it is beneficial. My list is two pages front and back! Can you imagine??? I call it my 'blessings' list, for when I focus on what God has blessed me with, instead of the negative expectations, it becomes clear that He and He alone supplies my needs according to His riches in glory....I need not manipulate others for them. I hereby confess, and reject my victim mentality of living in the past, self-pity, resentment, blaming, and taking and expecting more than I was willing to give.
My tears now are tears of hope. Hope that I can make amends where amends are due, give where giving is needed, and love that reaches out without thinking what it will cost me. Can I now ask for forgiveness and extend my heart of love to each one of my precious family members and the friends who have so faithfully stood by me through this season of my gigantic pity party! These are good tears, because I know in my heart you will receive my words with compassion and love. I love you all!
My tears weren't for me, my tears were for my family and friends. The people I love deeply and
I'm convinced love me. You see, since my husband died 4 years ago I now realize I have developed a victim's mentality. What you ask, is a victim's mentality? As best I can relate, it is a comfort zone to which we run after disaster strikes, like the loss of a loved one. At first we welcome sympathy in the hour of our need, but then that season should pass, if it doesn't, we remain in the 'expectation zone,' or the 'If Only' place. Expecting more sympathy, expecting understanding, jumping on the if only wagon...if only my friends and family understood what I'm going through, if only I would have (insert your regret), if only my hurt could be heard.
Oh yes, I have become a master of eliciting feelings of sympathy and guilt in others. And as the author states...it's usually thinking they don't do enough or care enough. Once again...OUCH! My beautiful family and my devoted friends did all they could do to support me, but it always seemed to come up short...that's a victim's mentality. Victimhood is a needy state, it sucks the energy out of others and myself. I see it now, I confess it, I ask for forgiveness and I intend to take steps away from it. I can change my mind and actions regarding this life struggle...the author states it better than I could..."make a choice, choose to nourish the survivor in you and ignore your inner victim."
The author suggest's I make a gratitude list (sounds like an Oprah line!), and I know it is beneficial. My list is two pages front and back! Can you imagine??? I call it my 'blessings' list, for when I focus on what God has blessed me with, instead of the negative expectations, it becomes clear that He and He alone supplies my needs according to His riches in glory....I need not manipulate others for them. I hereby confess, and reject my victim mentality of living in the past, self-pity, resentment, blaming, and taking and expecting more than I was willing to give.
My tears now are tears of hope. Hope that I can make amends where amends are due, give where giving is needed, and love that reaches out without thinking what it will cost me. Can I now ask for forgiveness and extend my heart of love to each one of my precious family members and the friends who have so faithfully stood by me through this season of my gigantic pity party! These are good tears, because I know in my heart you will receive my words with compassion and love. I love you all!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother, Mom, Momma.....
It's Mother's Day, 5:50 a.m. The sun is just peeking at me on what seems to be a glorious day in the making. I caught a glimpse of a photo of my mom as I walked by the side table and realized just how much I miss this woman. There's not one particular memory that stands out, but several 'snapshots' buzzing through my mind this morning. She was not a perfect mother, nor was she a demonstrative type, but she was a special momma. Here's what is flashing through my mind's eye this morning:
Making sure we were sent to Sunday School every Sunday even if her and dad never went. This meant Saturday night baths and the sitting still in what seemed like forever, so she could twirl my hair around on her finger and fasten with a bobbi pin. Not just a few, but over the entire head! Yes, her children would always be presentable in church!
The apron. Growing up I cannot remember her without one on during the day. I think she got this from grandma who one day even forgot to take hers off when she went to church! Those pockets held untold oddities that she would pick up around the house and deposit in the correct place....things I'm sure us kids left lying about. It wiped up spills, kept her hands clean, protected her dress and gave me comfort. This multipurposed item represented the stay at home mom that she was during my formitive years. I have a few aprons even today.
The 'wait until your dad gets home' voice! Mom was a good 'yeller' but seldom carried through with her discipline. She left the dispensing of that to my Father. So if that was ever heard, it brought the fear of God to me....thank heaven I was a pretty 'perfect' child! Ya right!
Her laugh. Full bodied, light hearted, fun, accompanied by the ever present 'oh my stars alivin'' statement afterward. I always loved to hear her laugh. You see, even as a young child, I knew we were poor and that mom didn't have as much as my friends mom's did, so when I heard her laugh, it made me happy. Through the years, she never lost that laugh, that squinted twinkle in her eyes....thanks mom, for your laugh, I smile even now remembering it.
Her sewing talents. Oh my, this woman loved to sew! My sis and I were often seen in the same style dresses sewn with hands of love. Her, handsewn square dance dresses were beyond beautiful....they were works of art and people would often buy them when she was tired of the dress and moved on to making another. She gave me my love of sewing, a legacy that I still employ today
Her cooking. Now mind you, she was no gourmet cook, but momma could look in the fridge, pull out leftovers, put a pot on to boil and make the best soup or casserole in the land! She made dinners special with whatever there was too eat and made sure we were always gathered around the table. It had to be a real good reason if we were not home for supper! Every supper ended with dessert! Yes, momma could bake,...rarely were there store bought goodies for this family! Oh yes, I still have to have a small piece of sweet after I eat....another legacy! :)
Her gifts. Mom never forgot a birthday. With five children it was hard to provide, but darn if she didn't come up with a gift sweetly wrapped and full of expectation for us. Sometimes it was something we really needed, other times just a small fun gift. No matter, it always was accompanied by a birthday cake and lots of singing! As the years went by, she never forgot, and there in the mail would be her little offering of love. Sometimes as adults we would laugh at her attempts...I so regret that now. I realize now they were always given out of genuine caring....I am sorry momma...I love you!
I imagine I could go on and on and on, but I won't. Mother was not without her faults as none of us mom's are. I'm painfully aware of that today with my own children. But I can truly say from the bottom of my heart, that looking back I can enjoy the feelings of her love, warmth, giving and caring ways and hope that somehow she knows how much I loved her and still do. She passed down such a legacy to me that even now I stop to ask, "I wonder what mom would do." Isn't that the ultimate gift? Thank you mom, for giving me a life full of wonderment, of direction, of example. You were loved then and you are loved now. Until we meet again at the foot of the cross....I love you Momma, happy Mother's Day!
Making sure we were sent to Sunday School every Sunday even if her and dad never went. This meant Saturday night baths and the sitting still in what seemed like forever, so she could twirl my hair around on her finger and fasten with a bobbi pin. Not just a few, but over the entire head! Yes, her children would always be presentable in church!
The apron. Growing up I cannot remember her without one on during the day. I think she got this from grandma who one day even forgot to take hers off when she went to church! Those pockets held untold oddities that she would pick up around the house and deposit in the correct place....things I'm sure us kids left lying about. It wiped up spills, kept her hands clean, protected her dress and gave me comfort. This multipurposed item represented the stay at home mom that she was during my formitive years. I have a few aprons even today.
The 'wait until your dad gets home' voice! Mom was a good 'yeller' but seldom carried through with her discipline. She left the dispensing of that to my Father. So if that was ever heard, it brought the fear of God to me....thank heaven I was a pretty 'perfect' child! Ya right!
Her laugh. Full bodied, light hearted, fun, accompanied by the ever present 'oh my stars alivin'' statement afterward. I always loved to hear her laugh. You see, even as a young child, I knew we were poor and that mom didn't have as much as my friends mom's did, so when I heard her laugh, it made me happy. Through the years, she never lost that laugh, that squinted twinkle in her eyes....thanks mom, for your laugh, I smile even now remembering it.
Her sewing talents. Oh my, this woman loved to sew! My sis and I were often seen in the same style dresses sewn with hands of love. Her, handsewn square dance dresses were beyond beautiful....they were works of art and people would often buy them when she was tired of the dress and moved on to making another. She gave me my love of sewing, a legacy that I still employ today
Her cooking. Now mind you, she was no gourmet cook, but momma could look in the fridge, pull out leftovers, put a pot on to boil and make the best soup or casserole in the land! She made dinners special with whatever there was too eat and made sure we were always gathered around the table. It had to be a real good reason if we were not home for supper! Every supper ended with dessert! Yes, momma could bake,...rarely were there store bought goodies for this family! Oh yes, I still have to have a small piece of sweet after I eat....another legacy! :)
Her gifts. Mom never forgot a birthday. With five children it was hard to provide, but darn if she didn't come up with a gift sweetly wrapped and full of expectation for us. Sometimes it was something we really needed, other times just a small fun gift. No matter, it always was accompanied by a birthday cake and lots of singing! As the years went by, she never forgot, and there in the mail would be her little offering of love. Sometimes as adults we would laugh at her attempts...I so regret that now. I realize now they were always given out of genuine caring....I am sorry momma...I love you!
I imagine I could go on and on and on, but I won't. Mother was not without her faults as none of us mom's are. I'm painfully aware of that today with my own children. But I can truly say from the bottom of my heart, that looking back I can enjoy the feelings of her love, warmth, giving and caring ways and hope that somehow she knows how much I loved her and still do. She passed down such a legacy to me that even now I stop to ask, "I wonder what mom would do." Isn't that the ultimate gift? Thank you mom, for giving me a life full of wonderment, of direction, of example. You were loved then and you are loved now. Until we meet again at the foot of the cross....I love you Momma, happy Mother's Day!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Loading my luggage...
Ok, yes, I'm old! Well, sorta old. Not so old in MY eyes, but perhaps in my grands eyes and even my own childrens eye's. Perhaps to them I've slipped over the edge. It's ok though, because the outward appearance has no idea what the inner appearance looks like...in other words, I still feel young!
Having said that, I went to a meeting this morning where a speaker had some interesting things to say about aging. I took away from it that as we walk this aging path, we need to load a piece of luggage that contains some vital life issues that will take us smoothly through this most crucial of times. When this aging process begins to get us down, we can then reach into our bag of goodies and begin to engage in an attitude adjustment. Let me see if I can list them along with a few thought provoking remarks, relevant or not!
Begin your journey by packing:
A Positive Attitude
Now this can be a good thing because if we begin to look at our circumstances (short timers, also known as sliding down the hill), we must look at it as the glass half full even if it really is half empty. Maybe if I tell myself enough times that being old isn't so darn bad I will truly begin to believe it! Positive thinking....I wonder if that's different from a positive attitude. Is one internal and the other external? Can we fake both? I digress...'on my honor I promise to pack a positive attitude.'
A Sense of Humor
Really???? Who wouldn't laugh at that reflection in the mirror! This one's easy, except I may be laughing through my tears! Are sagging boobs funny? How about drooping eyelids? Hey! Those age spots are hysterical aren't they? Still laughing? Well, let's add aching joints, age related barnacles, dry hair, back aches, swollen fingers, cabinet full of prescriptions, memory loss, and grandchildren that say 'grandma, you're old!' Yup, it's all pretty humorous isn't it! Am I still smiling? You bet! I've packed my sense of humor!
Purpose and Meaning
As far as I could ascertain from this guy, we should pick a purpose...any purpose...pick a meaning...any meaning, and run with it. Be it stamp collecting, saving cereal boxes, hoarding, ..well, you get the 'meaning.' I really agree with this though....if we don't have these two 'meaningful' things, our lives would pretty much be 'purposeless!' Here I am purging my house of all the things I've collected through the years and he's saying to have meaning and purpose we should start a collection! I'm still contemplating this logic! That's ok, I've placed purpose and meaning in my luggage and can pull it out any time to analyze.
A Spiritual Anchor
This one I definitely will pack with pleasure! I really don't even have to pack this one! My Anchor is my Lord and He has promised to never leave nor forsake me so He will go along for the ride and gently remind me that even though this last stage of life is difficult, I have a major transformation coming! In your face old age! He has bigger and better plans for me! Talk about an attitude changer and a good reason to keep that sense of humor aforementioned!
Moment of Truth
Now how do we pack our 'moment of truth?' This is the moment when we fully understand that life is fleeting, that we will all eventually die and there's not a darn thing we can do about it. We are all terminally ill. Ah yes, I get it! When we finally come to terms with this and settle in for the duration, it won't be such a arduous journey. It just is...deal with it. And that I will, for I know to Whom I owe my life and to where I will live again. Yes, my last breath here on earth will be followed by my next breath in heaven! Now that's a moment of truth I'm packing with care!
As I look at these five items to put in my luggage for this aging trip, I wonder which one will serve me best. I think there are two...my Spiritual Anchor is number one, and a sense of humor number two. Whoever said growing old is not for sissy's grasped the moment of truth for sure, but with a positive attitude I can go forth with purpose and meaning. I'm fully packed, closing the lid, fully aware that I can open it at any time and peruse his suggestions. Not saying I can strictly adhere to them, but it's surely a goal to strive for. Nothing humorous about that!
Having said that, I went to a meeting this morning where a speaker had some interesting things to say about aging. I took away from it that as we walk this aging path, we need to load a piece of luggage that contains some vital life issues that will take us smoothly through this most crucial of times. When this aging process begins to get us down, we can then reach into our bag of goodies and begin to engage in an attitude adjustment. Let me see if I can list them along with a few thought provoking remarks, relevant or not!
Begin your journey by packing:
A Positive Attitude
Now this can be a good thing because if we begin to look at our circumstances (short timers, also known as sliding down the hill), we must look at it as the glass half full even if it really is half empty. Maybe if I tell myself enough times that being old isn't so darn bad I will truly begin to believe it! Positive thinking....I wonder if that's different from a positive attitude. Is one internal and the other external? Can we fake both? I digress...'on my honor I promise to pack a positive attitude.'
A Sense of Humor
Really???? Who wouldn't laugh at that reflection in the mirror! This one's easy, except I may be laughing through my tears! Are sagging boobs funny? How about drooping eyelids? Hey! Those age spots are hysterical aren't they? Still laughing? Well, let's add aching joints, age related barnacles, dry hair, back aches, swollen fingers, cabinet full of prescriptions, memory loss, and grandchildren that say 'grandma, you're old!' Yup, it's all pretty humorous isn't it! Am I still smiling? You bet! I've packed my sense of humor!
Purpose and Meaning
As far as I could ascertain from this guy, we should pick a purpose...any purpose...pick a meaning...any meaning, and run with it. Be it stamp collecting, saving cereal boxes, hoarding, ..well, you get the 'meaning.' I really agree with this though....if we don't have these two 'meaningful' things, our lives would pretty much be 'purposeless!' Here I am purging my house of all the things I've collected through the years and he's saying to have meaning and purpose we should start a collection! I'm still contemplating this logic! That's ok, I've placed purpose and meaning in my luggage and can pull it out any time to analyze.
A Spiritual Anchor
This one I definitely will pack with pleasure! I really don't even have to pack this one! My Anchor is my Lord and He has promised to never leave nor forsake me so He will go along for the ride and gently remind me that even though this last stage of life is difficult, I have a major transformation coming! In your face old age! He has bigger and better plans for me! Talk about an attitude changer and a good reason to keep that sense of humor aforementioned!
Moment of Truth
Now how do we pack our 'moment of truth?' This is the moment when we fully understand that life is fleeting, that we will all eventually die and there's not a darn thing we can do about it. We are all terminally ill. Ah yes, I get it! When we finally come to terms with this and settle in for the duration, it won't be such a arduous journey. It just is...deal with it. And that I will, for I know to Whom I owe my life and to where I will live again. Yes, my last breath here on earth will be followed by my next breath in heaven! Now that's a moment of truth I'm packing with care!
As I look at these five items to put in my luggage for this aging trip, I wonder which one will serve me best. I think there are two...my Spiritual Anchor is number one, and a sense of humor number two. Whoever said growing old is not for sissy's grasped the moment of truth for sure, but with a positive attitude I can go forth with purpose and meaning. I'm fully packed, closing the lid, fully aware that I can open it at any time and peruse his suggestions. Not saying I can strictly adhere to them, but it's surely a goal to strive for. Nothing humorous about that!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Loosing importance?
I had a birthday last week. Not a 'big' one...but a disturbing one. As I confessed to someone, 'it feels as though I'm on the downhill slide now.' Digging my heels into the hillside won't stop the progression either! Oh, you say, consider the alternative! Well, believe me I have, and I am grateful to my heavenly Father who has chosen to give me an extended life with fairly good health, a loving family and dear friends. Life is just suddenly so 'real'...by that I mean, so fragile, so swift, with an unexplainable sense of urgency! What is this feeling of 'loosing importance?'
My children have wonderful lives full of all the things I once experienced. I look at them and see my past. I watch them going through the family issues, the ups and downs of raising kids, work schedules, sports schedules, responsibilities...yes...it is a season of responsibility and fatigue! Yet somehow it is the best part of life! Oh, I hope they are enjoying it because from my position, it is the most fleeting season and if they are wishing these years would hurry and get over, well, that would be regretable. Regret eats at the soul,...savoring each season of life fills it! It's tough for sure, but I wish I could infuse in them the importance of holding each moment tightly...having no regrets in the future, that they wished away the days and years.
My time raising kids was so different than today. Safe neighborhoods with caring people who watched over ours as if they were theirs, lots of outdoor time, very little TV, no computers or hand held games, sandlot baseball, less scheduled activities, boundaries that even the kids expected, (my folks would kill me 'if'..)! Yes, I could go on and on, but my main point is...."God bless the working mothers and fathers who not only have to regulate their time, but the time of their children!" Stress, tension, games that should be played just for the love of the game but have become a competition for who makes AAA or AA or A teams...and the parents who then have to render the perfect words to blanket the disappointment in their child. When did sports become so stressful for the kids, ...where did the joy of just playing go. Competition is good to a degree, but when it distorts a childs self-worth...well, it's just wrong! This is a mute point for a grandparent....I can only look, pray and trust that this will not influence negatively lives that should be delighting in life, friends and family! Again it is clear to me that I can stand by and watch, but have no input whatsoever....perhaps another reason for 'loosing that feeling of importance?' I had my time, they are having theirs....the circle of life I suppose.
There is an elderly lady who comes into my workplace several times a week, that has become a special person in my life. We chat about little things. I shared with her this 'loosing importance' feeling since donning this years birthday. Her words bathed me in warmth. "My dear, our importance just seems to wane, just remember that even though we are not included in much of our children and grandchildren's lives, we are still here to be an anchor for them...a place of safety, where they can come and rest when their lives become so harried they just need an hour or so of escape. Don't feel left out, enjoy what you can when you can, don't begrudge their activities without you....treasure the times you do have." She blesses my life. Her years are numbered as she's in her 80's, yet is living as fully as she can and loving life! Truly an example for me to emulate.
I'll pass through this feeling I'm sure....just a fleeting pity party. Birthdays are a time to reflect, give thanks to my God for blessing me with yet another year, and to give me a chance to look to the future. Yes, my heels may be dug in, trying to slow this process down, but He gives me my sense of identity and worth and therefore I am the most important person on earth! Loosing my identity? I think not! Bring on another year...with His precious daily presence, I can take it!
My children have wonderful lives full of all the things I once experienced. I look at them and see my past. I watch them going through the family issues, the ups and downs of raising kids, work schedules, sports schedules, responsibilities...yes...it is a season of responsibility and fatigue! Yet somehow it is the best part of life! Oh, I hope they are enjoying it because from my position, it is the most fleeting season and if they are wishing these years would hurry and get over, well, that would be regretable. Regret eats at the soul,...savoring each season of life fills it! It's tough for sure, but I wish I could infuse in them the importance of holding each moment tightly...having no regrets in the future, that they wished away the days and years.
My time raising kids was so different than today. Safe neighborhoods with caring people who watched over ours as if they were theirs, lots of outdoor time, very little TV, no computers or hand held games, sandlot baseball, less scheduled activities, boundaries that even the kids expected, (my folks would kill me 'if'..)! Yes, I could go on and on, but my main point is...."God bless the working mothers and fathers who not only have to regulate their time, but the time of their children!" Stress, tension, games that should be played just for the love of the game but have become a competition for who makes AAA or AA or A teams...and the parents who then have to render the perfect words to blanket the disappointment in their child. When did sports become so stressful for the kids, ...where did the joy of just playing go. Competition is good to a degree, but when it distorts a childs self-worth...well, it's just wrong! This is a mute point for a grandparent....I can only look, pray and trust that this will not influence negatively lives that should be delighting in life, friends and family! Again it is clear to me that I can stand by and watch, but have no input whatsoever....perhaps another reason for 'loosing that feeling of importance?' I had my time, they are having theirs....the circle of life I suppose.
There is an elderly lady who comes into my workplace several times a week, that has become a special person in my life. We chat about little things. I shared with her this 'loosing importance' feeling since donning this years birthday. Her words bathed me in warmth. "My dear, our importance just seems to wane, just remember that even though we are not included in much of our children and grandchildren's lives, we are still here to be an anchor for them...a place of safety, where they can come and rest when their lives become so harried they just need an hour or so of escape. Don't feel left out, enjoy what you can when you can, don't begrudge their activities without you....treasure the times you do have." She blesses my life. Her years are numbered as she's in her 80's, yet is living as fully as she can and loving life! Truly an example for me to emulate.
I'll pass through this feeling I'm sure....just a fleeting pity party. Birthdays are a time to reflect, give thanks to my God for blessing me with yet another year, and to give me a chance to look to the future. Yes, my heels may be dug in, trying to slow this process down, but He gives me my sense of identity and worth and therefore I am the most important person on earth! Loosing my identity? I think not! Bring on another year...with His precious daily presence, I can take it!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
BUMBLEBEE NEST SAGA CONTINUES...
Ah yes...Saturday dawned bright and beautiful for once this early April day. What to do, what to do??!! Of course! I shall tackle the project that has been interrupting my sleep cycle for several nights....'the bumblebee project!' Those beautiful costumed buzzers have been repeat visitors the last several summers, at first not causing a disturbance, in fact it was rather pleasant to see them lazily go too and fro from their under deck domicile. But then, wham-o..the great bumblebee fiasco hit us last summer, causing hysterical screaming and running about the yard like maniacs, swatting, spraying, using deck pillows as self-defense mechanisms....they turned psycho! Hence...my quest to exterminate the whole lot of them this spring before the invaders disturb yet another peaceful summers day.
This shouldn't take very long...take out a couple deck boards, remove nest, dump in some Sevin...replace boards, screw down...voila! Done! Or so I thought.
Let me begin with the board removal. Some wise guy drove the nails below the wood surface giving me no leverage to remove them (that would have been ME three summers ago)....trotting to the garage for the crowbar, I giddily invisioned a hasty flip of a board and on with my task. But NO! Not enough space to leverage the bar between the boards...now what? Think! Think! Ok,..screwdriver in hand, hammer in another I proceed to chip away around the nailhead, exposing it's shiny little hidden head.
Bam! Hammer hits hand.....how does one NOT jump up and start screaming expletives
while trying to maintain composure so the neighbor won't start peering out their window? Well, I didn't...I let 'er rip! Quick look...no blood...pain subsided...project continued. Damn nail! Fat widow woman struggles down to her knees to persist in defeating this enemy. Enter, pliers...wiggle, wiggle, turn, turn...up she comes! Crowbar inserted, leverage achieved...push, crack..BOARD BREAKS! Enter reciprocal saw....sawed off that part of the board! Take that! Removal of the next two much easier...but I used the saw to cut off just the part I needed...not a good idea...more later on that.
Off to Home Depot...loaded arms with weapons of war...back to base of operation in record time!
Dumped said ingredients into exposed territory below...NOTHING could survive those chemicals of warfare! Measured length of board I need to cut to cover hole....grab saw, commence to attack...saw blade flies across the yard landing where cat was sitting minutes earlier....darn..would have been my chance to get rid of that darn cat! Re-attach blade..finish sawing, place boards in position. So who cares if one end of the adjoining boards don't exactly fit flush and stand 1/2" higher than it should therefore causing future toe stubs? I'm tired of this warfare and yet I have one more crucial invasion...nail those suckers down! Enter drill and deck screws.
Using a nail to forge a hole before inserting screw, I pick up the instrument of war that I am not all that familiar with....insert screw, place drill bit in position, fire away....ZAP! Knothole! Now I know why I used nails last time...trotting off to the garage .........
Well, it may not be the most visually perfect job..but it's a job done! Next???
This shouldn't take very long...take out a couple deck boards, remove nest, dump in some Sevin...replace boards, screw down...voila! Done! Or so I thought.
Let me begin with the board removal. Some wise guy drove the nails below the wood surface giving me no leverage to remove them (that would have been ME three summers ago)....trotting to the garage for the crowbar, I giddily invisioned a hasty flip of a board and on with my task. But NO! Not enough space to leverage the bar between the boards...now what? Think! Think! Ok,..screwdriver in hand, hammer in another I proceed to chip away around the nailhead, exposing it's shiny little hidden head.
Bam! Hammer hits hand.....how does one NOT jump up and start screaming expletives
while trying to maintain composure so the neighbor won't start peering out their window? Well, I didn't...I let 'er rip! Quick look...no blood...pain subsided...project continued. Damn nail! Fat widow woman struggles down to her knees to persist in defeating this enemy. Enter, pliers...wiggle, wiggle, turn, turn...up she comes! Crowbar inserted, leverage achieved...push, crack..BOARD BREAKS! Enter reciprocal saw....sawed off that part of the board! Take that! Removal of the next two much easier...but I used the saw to cut off just the part I needed...not a good idea...more later on that.
Off to Home Depot...loaded arms with weapons of war...back to base of operation in record time!
Dumped said ingredients into exposed territory below...NOTHING could survive those chemicals of warfare! Measured length of board I need to cut to cover hole....grab saw, commence to attack...saw blade flies across the yard landing where cat was sitting minutes earlier....darn..would have been my chance to get rid of that darn cat! Re-attach blade..finish sawing, place boards in position. So who cares if one end of the adjoining boards don't exactly fit flush and stand 1/2" higher than it should therefore causing future toe stubs? I'm tired of this warfare and yet I have one more crucial invasion...nail those suckers down! Enter drill and deck screws.
Using a nail to forge a hole before inserting screw, I pick up the instrument of war that I am not all that familiar with....insert screw, place drill bit in position, fire away....ZAP! Knothole! Now I know why I used nails last time...trotting off to the garage .........
Well, it may not be the most visually perfect job..but it's a job done! Next???
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The "Lighter" side of Israel or...."One to many Falafels!"
Our trip to Israel was indeed amazing, mind boggling, interesting, tiring, frustrating, fun-filled, emotional, and on and on and on. Having said that, I can also sit back and laugh at some of the odd things that happened, or the surprising reactions I had at certain things. One cannot consume so much history, politics, food, and ruins before the amusement factor begins to take hold and the sometimes uncontrollable laughter takes over! I'm sure when Bev and I got hit by one of these phenomenon the people on our bus considered rolling us off at the next bus stop! My advice? NEVER try to hold in a good belly laugh! It hurts!
What can I say about Falafels? WOW! That first stop we made at the little roadside stand at first caused a few lifted eyebrows... "Really?.... We're stopping out in the middle of nowhere, eating food from a questionable trailer, with two rugged looking Jewish fellows dishing up an unknown product?....are you nuts? Everyone pack their Pepto Bismol?" Not to worry...these packages of savory vegetables and falafel balls hit the spot and were only the precursor for the many that would follow! Side benefit? Those little balls of whatever, with mixed spices gave relief to the one travelers curse that befalls us all! Hallelujah!
And then there were the salads. Oh boy, that first night we were in hog heaven with the variety, the savory tastes,...oh this is great! The next morning...what's that? Salads for breakfast? That's unique. About the 3rd or 4th days of breakfasts and dinners, we'd round the corner to the buffet line, catch sight of the abundant supply of salads and make a drastic left turn to the basic staples counter! Potatoes, chicken, fish, cooked veggie and the occasional beef bi-product. Ah, yes...a taste of home.
Not complaining though, but the sight of my front teeth growing longer and my ears growing higher gave me cause for concern. Probably better lay off the greens for awhile!
Let's talk desserts. Fruits, pastries, cakes, puddings, pies, breads, baklava, ice cream,...even if we hadn't spared a corner of our stomach for a taste of sweetness, we indulged anyhow! Altogether now....OVERINDULGENCE!??? After all we HAD packed our acid reducers! How bad could it be? Let me explain 'bad.' When your pajama bottoms are too big, yet the elastic cuts into your waist, when you have trouble bending over to pull the covers up because your stomach gets in the way, when you can't even burp and find relief, when one pillow doesn't relieve the pressure and three bends you forward to far so you can't breath...well,....that's better known as 'bad.'
After several days we reduced our intake to yogurt and granola with a piece of fruit for breakfast, ice cream bar and a coke for lunch, a taste of salad with a few veggies and a small cut of meat and just a couple pieces of dessert for dinner! (P.S....one must not wean oneself from desserts too rapidly!)
How about those hotels? Our first stop in TelAviv was amazing....beautiful ocean view rooms, gentle sound of waves rushing to shore, white beaches, truly felt like a tropical paradise. Ah, this is living! This was going to be a pleasurable tour with hotels like this! Off the next day to the West Bank town of Ariel...nice sounding place, even if we had to enter the territory in bullet proof buses! Bus pulls up to the hotel....did I say 'hotel?'....ah, did I hear someone say 'there's no room at the inn?'...no such luck! This someone's idea of a joke or what? From magnificent trappings to the local parred down motel in Podunk, Israel! Not to mention the armed soldiers parked outside our rooms! How about those styling linoleum floors??
Ok, ok..enough...our visit around the area was amazing and given the circumstances in which they live...well, this was great! How kind of some local people to invite groups of 6 into their homes during the evening....a little unnerving at first...out at night in an occupied territory, going into an unknown home, but it turned into a wonderful inside view of Sylvia's home and her generous offerings of tea, cookies, potato chips and coffee. And yes...we ate!
Just a few mishaps along the way. I melted my curling iron first day, caught my hair dryer on fire the second, discovered a toilet wouldn't flush another day, nearly choked on the room service Turkish coffee that left a half inch of sludge in the bottom of the cup, couldn't get my swimsuit to dry after a dip in the Dead Sea, locked our room key in the room several times, thought I left my journal back in the last hotel....found it in a luggage pocket I didn't remember was there! "I can't find my....." was the frantic cry almost every day! Of course it was tucked away in some remote spot in my luggage that I was certain I would remember next time I needed it! I chalked it up to an aging brain!
Did I mention the cats? Cats everywhere! Not housecats, but cats that had to fend for themselves...rodent hunting, incidious bird killers...quite a phenomenon. It caused quite a stir when we were at the Garden Tomb area and the pretty white doves were floating about looking so lovely and serene, when suddenly a feline became airborne, grasping the fluffy feathered innocent and that's all she wrote for that bird! Ah, the circle of life!
At a certain point towards the end of our tour, I began to think if I saw another falafel, salad or baklava I would urp! Didn't we see a McDonald's sign somewhere?? Why, yes we did! Off to the streets of Jerusalem we went....Steve, Elaine, Bev and I...winging our way through unknown territory...baffled by the lack of a good sign pointing us to our culinary destination. Finally in frustration I stopped a young man pushing a stroller fully thinking I would have to use sign language to ask him where the nearest McDonald's was, but much to my surprise he said...'half a block up, to the left, up the alley and there it is!' Praise the Lord we were heading for a Big Mac!
What can I say....heaven on a paper plate!
Our journey has ended, our memories safely tucked away, our lives enriched beyond measure. One more Falafel for the road?
What can I say about Falafels? WOW! That first stop we made at the little roadside stand at first caused a few lifted eyebrows... "Really?.... We're stopping out in the middle of nowhere, eating food from a questionable trailer, with two rugged looking Jewish fellows dishing up an unknown product?....are you nuts? Everyone pack their Pepto Bismol?" Not to worry...these packages of savory vegetables and falafel balls hit the spot and were only the precursor for the many that would follow! Side benefit? Those little balls of whatever, with mixed spices gave relief to the one travelers curse that befalls us all! Hallelujah!
And then there were the salads. Oh boy, that first night we were in hog heaven with the variety, the savory tastes,...oh this is great! The next morning...what's that? Salads for breakfast? That's unique. About the 3rd or 4th days of breakfasts and dinners, we'd round the corner to the buffet line, catch sight of the abundant supply of salads and make a drastic left turn to the basic staples counter! Potatoes, chicken, fish, cooked veggie and the occasional beef bi-product. Ah, yes...a taste of home.
Not complaining though, but the sight of my front teeth growing longer and my ears growing higher gave me cause for concern. Probably better lay off the greens for awhile!
Let's talk desserts. Fruits, pastries, cakes, puddings, pies, breads, baklava, ice cream,...even if we hadn't spared a corner of our stomach for a taste of sweetness, we indulged anyhow! Altogether now....OVERINDULGENCE!??? After all we HAD packed our acid reducers! How bad could it be? Let me explain 'bad.' When your pajama bottoms are too big, yet the elastic cuts into your waist, when you have trouble bending over to pull the covers up because your stomach gets in the way, when you can't even burp and find relief, when one pillow doesn't relieve the pressure and three bends you forward to far so you can't breath...well,....that's better known as 'bad.'
After several days we reduced our intake to yogurt and granola with a piece of fruit for breakfast, ice cream bar and a coke for lunch, a taste of salad with a few veggies and a small cut of meat and just a couple pieces of dessert for dinner! (P.S....one must not wean oneself from desserts too rapidly!)
How about those hotels? Our first stop in TelAviv was amazing....beautiful ocean view rooms, gentle sound of waves rushing to shore, white beaches, truly felt like a tropical paradise. Ah, this is living! This was going to be a pleasurable tour with hotels like this! Off the next day to the West Bank town of Ariel...nice sounding place, even if we had to enter the territory in bullet proof buses! Bus pulls up to the hotel....did I say 'hotel?'....ah, did I hear someone say 'there's no room at the inn?'...no such luck! This someone's idea of a joke or what? From magnificent trappings to the local parred down motel in Podunk, Israel! Not to mention the armed soldiers parked outside our rooms! How about those styling linoleum floors??
Ok, ok..enough...our visit around the area was amazing and given the circumstances in which they live...well, this was great! How kind of some local people to invite groups of 6 into their homes during the evening....a little unnerving at first...out at night in an occupied territory, going into an unknown home, but it turned into a wonderful inside view of Sylvia's home and her generous offerings of tea, cookies, potato chips and coffee. And yes...we ate!
Just a few mishaps along the way. I melted my curling iron first day, caught my hair dryer on fire the second, discovered a toilet wouldn't flush another day, nearly choked on the room service Turkish coffee that left a half inch of sludge in the bottom of the cup, couldn't get my swimsuit to dry after a dip in the Dead Sea, locked our room key in the room several times, thought I left my journal back in the last hotel....found it in a luggage pocket I didn't remember was there! "I can't find my....." was the frantic cry almost every day! Of course it was tucked away in some remote spot in my luggage that I was certain I would remember next time I needed it! I chalked it up to an aging brain!
Did I mention the cats? Cats everywhere! Not housecats, but cats that had to fend for themselves...rodent hunting, incidious bird killers...quite a phenomenon. It caused quite a stir when we were at the Garden Tomb area and the pretty white doves were floating about looking so lovely and serene, when suddenly a feline became airborne, grasping the fluffy feathered innocent and that's all she wrote for that bird! Ah, the circle of life!
At a certain point towards the end of our tour, I began to think if I saw another falafel, salad or baklava I would urp! Didn't we see a McDonald's sign somewhere?? Why, yes we did! Off to the streets of Jerusalem we went....Steve, Elaine, Bev and I...winging our way through unknown territory...baffled by the lack of a good sign pointing us to our culinary destination. Finally in frustration I stopped a young man pushing a stroller fully thinking I would have to use sign language to ask him where the nearest McDonald's was, but much to my surprise he said...'half a block up, to the left, up the alley and there it is!' Praise the Lord we were heading for a Big Mac!
What can I say....heaven on a paper plate!
Our journey has ended, our memories safely tucked away, our lives enriched beyond measure. One more Falafel for the road?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Israel...2011...My Trip
I went to Israel to walk where Jesus walked, I came home with the knowledge of God's promises to His Jewish people, their historical struggles, their coming home again to the land that God gave them. This tiny little speck of a nation, wanted by so many, misunderstood by those who do not believe in God's Word, is cherished by the Almighty and Israel will triumph! They have been scattered (dispersed) throughout the nations as other nations took hold of their land, but God promised the people's of Israel that they would regain the land once again and for all time. Isaiah 11:12 says "He will assemble the scattered people of Judah from the four quarters of the earth." Isaiah 49:25 says "for I will contend with him who contend with you (Israel). And finally Isaiah 54: 10 & 17 "no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper." An observation based on Acts 17:26 states: God has determined the location for all nations beginning with Israel. If Israel is not rightly placed, other nations are out of order and there is disorder in the world. There will be no real peace in the world until the world is reconciled to Israel and Israel is properly reconciled both to its land and to God who gave them the land. In other words, whoever opposes or curses Israel or the Jewish people, regardless of the justification, God will oppose or curse, and whoever blesses Israel, God will bless. With all the opposing thoughts concerning the Palestinians vs. the Israelites, I came away with this answer: Rest easy Israel, God keeps His promises!
Having said all that I simply want to say "my brain over floweth with information. Sights, sounds, tastes, different cultures, landscapes, ruins, and so much more! I'm still having trouble processing everything! Our fantastic tour guide Jacob, who has been doing this for over 40 years, took our hands and led us through the most amazing places, both in words and actual experiences. He enabled us to go into places where the average tourist is not allowed....The West Bank,; Samaria, Judea, Bethlehem...bullet proof buses gave us a sense of protection, but the actual realization of why this was needed sent shivers through my body. It was always good to return to our 'regular' bus without the need of all that. While in the West Bank city of Ariel, we were privileged to be invited into private homes to discuss and ask any questions we might have....what an experience! The average tourist would never be able to do this...how blessed was I!!!
Our days were filled with luscious adventures! Rolling quietly along in our luxurious bus, we viewed Caesarea/Mt Carmel/Tiberias. We stopped at Makrakha where Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal....viewed the Valley of Armageddon...where the final battle will take place, and then stopped at The Sea of Galilee. While placing my feet into it's chilly waters, I realized Jesus actually walked on these waters. So much of Jesus earthly ministries were right here around the Galilee...and here stood I. On a ride in a large boat through the silent waters, one could almost see our Lord walking toward our boat....the mind can imagine so many things!
Our visits to synagogues, ancient homes, ruins, began to run in to each other. Thank heaven I kept a journal! Hopefully I can match the pictures to the words! We gathered in a private area at the Mt. of Beatitudes and read the scripture; we placed our hands in the Jordan River, visited Capernaum, the home of Peter, listened with awe to the history Jacob relayed to us...'and on the right, and on the left'...one would be in Israel for months and months to take it all in! He wanted so badly for us to see all of 'his Israel.' He left us hungering for more!
What can I say about our trip to the Golan Heights? The rugged terrain makes it hard to believe battles were waged there, not only in our time, but in ancient times. We viewed the fortress where 9,000 people jumped over the walls rather than be taken hostage to their enemies! The Syrian fortresses are still there from the fairly recent war, and we walked about the bunkers, peered over the hillside to the Syrian landscape, taking note of the borders of Jordan and Lebanon also in view. Israel still fights to maintain it's precious borders, and I might add with a mighty military force. We observe their fighter jets making their constant flights over the borders to protect their ancient land.
Off to the Dead Sea! But first we make a long stop at a recently excavated site of a Roman City and the site where King Saul died. Imagine it! Another place where the Transfiguration took place, and the road to Damascus, the route of Saul of Tarsus(Paul)..does it never end? Places for heathen idol worship, places from obscure verses in the Bible, places I cannot remember nor fit into the tiny corners of my mind, but will stay in my heart forever! I wondered why the Dead Sea was an important part of our journey. It wasn't until I ventured into the water, sat down and bobbed around like a rubber duck, that it struck me. It took an element of trust to sit down in that water and yet when I did I was held up....isn't that what we need to do in our lives...have enough trust to sit in our Lord's lap and let Him hold us up during our trials, and to really feel with confidence His overwhelming presence. Well worth the trip I'd say!
Our last stop before we settled into Jerusalem was Masada...where the Jewish zealots lived atop the diamond shaped, God forsaken mountain where Herod had built himself a 'hideaway.' They tried to maintain their position but the Romans eventually broke through their high fortress,..but before they could the zealots killed each other which left no one for the Romans to take back as slaves....when they broke through the walls they were met with only silence and the distant chirping of birds. Rent the movie! It will be worth your time! Some of our people walked the steep trail to the top, taking about an hour, while I rode the tram! We then stopped at En Gedi..an oasis in this stark, rocky, mountainous country, where David hid in the caves from King Saul. It was our first taste of 'American' food (a turkey sandwich) in many days! Yum! A little way up the road was Qumran, where the Dead Sea scrolls were found....just rocky hillside with numerous caves. It truly was a God miracle that these precious pieces of the scripture were retrieved, to prove to the world that God's written Word was real.
Now on to Jerusalem! We will spend the next 5 days there, visiting such places as the Mt. of Olives, walked the Palm Sunday road to the Old City gate Jesus walked through, via Dolorosa, Gethsemane, Temple Mount, Western Wall, Pool of Siloam, the grave, the stone, Golgotha, the Southern steps where Jesus turned over the tables in disgust, the pool of Bethesda where the lame man was healed, excavations, stones from the first and second temples, on and on and on... I wish I could share it all with you, but I can't...you must make the journey on your own. It will change your life!
I must relate my most precious times however. Singing in chapels that rang our voices out as if we were a thousand angels, praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, sitting quietly in the garden spot where Jesus was placed...it was so quiet, birds chirping, blue skies, a kiss of a breeze, a place to truly meditate and give praise for what He did for us. The day we drove down the hill to the Sea of Galilee seemed to touch my heart...I began to cry...I looked over at Bev and she was crying....in a busload of 46 people, only her and I were feeling this emotion....the Holy Spirit was speaking...my heart was responding. That's what Israel does to you....it's ancient walls, it's voice of history, it's people....God has blessed a nation with His handprint. I pray that some day you all will experience that 'walk about zion, counting her towers, considering her ramparts'....you will be blessed as I was.
Having said all that I simply want to say "my brain over floweth with information. Sights, sounds, tastes, different cultures, landscapes, ruins, and so much more! I'm still having trouble processing everything! Our fantastic tour guide Jacob, who has been doing this for over 40 years, took our hands and led us through the most amazing places, both in words and actual experiences. He enabled us to go into places where the average tourist is not allowed....The West Bank,; Samaria, Judea, Bethlehem...bullet proof buses gave us a sense of protection, but the actual realization of why this was needed sent shivers through my body. It was always good to return to our 'regular' bus without the need of all that. While in the West Bank city of Ariel, we were privileged to be invited into private homes to discuss and ask any questions we might have....what an experience! The average tourist would never be able to do this...how blessed was I!!!
Our days were filled with luscious adventures! Rolling quietly along in our luxurious bus, we viewed Caesarea/Mt Carmel/Tiberias. We stopped at Makrakha where Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal....viewed the Valley of Armageddon...where the final battle will take place, and then stopped at The Sea of Galilee. While placing my feet into it's chilly waters, I realized Jesus actually walked on these waters. So much of Jesus earthly ministries were right here around the Galilee...and here stood I. On a ride in a large boat through the silent waters, one could almost see our Lord walking toward our boat....the mind can imagine so many things!
Our visits to synagogues, ancient homes, ruins, began to run in to each other. Thank heaven I kept a journal! Hopefully I can match the pictures to the words! We gathered in a private area at the Mt. of Beatitudes and read the scripture; we placed our hands in the Jordan River, visited Capernaum, the home of Peter, listened with awe to the history Jacob relayed to us...'and on the right, and on the left'...one would be in Israel for months and months to take it all in! He wanted so badly for us to see all of 'his Israel.' He left us hungering for more!
What can I say about our trip to the Golan Heights? The rugged terrain makes it hard to believe battles were waged there, not only in our time, but in ancient times. We viewed the fortress where 9,000 people jumped over the walls rather than be taken hostage to their enemies! The Syrian fortresses are still there from the fairly recent war, and we walked about the bunkers, peered over the hillside to the Syrian landscape, taking note of the borders of Jordan and Lebanon also in view. Israel still fights to maintain it's precious borders, and I might add with a mighty military force. We observe their fighter jets making their constant flights over the borders to protect their ancient land.
Off to the Dead Sea! But first we make a long stop at a recently excavated site of a Roman City and the site where King Saul died. Imagine it! Another place where the Transfiguration took place, and the road to Damascus, the route of Saul of Tarsus(Paul)..does it never end? Places for heathen idol worship, places from obscure verses in the Bible, places I cannot remember nor fit into the tiny corners of my mind, but will stay in my heart forever! I wondered why the Dead Sea was an important part of our journey. It wasn't until I ventured into the water, sat down and bobbed around like a rubber duck, that it struck me. It took an element of trust to sit down in that water and yet when I did I was held up....isn't that what we need to do in our lives...have enough trust to sit in our Lord's lap and let Him hold us up during our trials, and to really feel with confidence His overwhelming presence. Well worth the trip I'd say!
Our last stop before we settled into Jerusalem was Masada...where the Jewish zealots lived atop the diamond shaped, God forsaken mountain where Herod had built himself a 'hideaway.' They tried to maintain their position but the Romans eventually broke through their high fortress,..but before they could the zealots killed each other which left no one for the Romans to take back as slaves....when they broke through the walls they were met with only silence and the distant chirping of birds. Rent the movie! It will be worth your time! Some of our people walked the steep trail to the top, taking about an hour, while I rode the tram! We then stopped at En Gedi..an oasis in this stark, rocky, mountainous country, where David hid in the caves from King Saul. It was our first taste of 'American' food (a turkey sandwich) in many days! Yum! A little way up the road was Qumran, where the Dead Sea scrolls were found....just rocky hillside with numerous caves. It truly was a God miracle that these precious pieces of the scripture were retrieved, to prove to the world that God's written Word was real.
Now on to Jerusalem! We will spend the next 5 days there, visiting such places as the Mt. of Olives, walked the Palm Sunday road to the Old City gate Jesus walked through, via Dolorosa, Gethsemane, Temple Mount, Western Wall, Pool of Siloam, the grave, the stone, Golgotha, the Southern steps where Jesus turned over the tables in disgust, the pool of Bethesda where the lame man was healed, excavations, stones from the first and second temples, on and on and on... I wish I could share it all with you, but I can't...you must make the journey on your own. It will change your life!
I must relate my most precious times however. Singing in chapels that rang our voices out as if we were a thousand angels, praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, sitting quietly in the garden spot where Jesus was placed...it was so quiet, birds chirping, blue skies, a kiss of a breeze, a place to truly meditate and give praise for what He did for us. The day we drove down the hill to the Sea of Galilee seemed to touch my heart...I began to cry...I looked over at Bev and she was crying....in a busload of 46 people, only her and I were feeling this emotion....the Holy Spirit was speaking...my heart was responding. That's what Israel does to you....it's ancient walls, it's voice of history, it's people....God has blessed a nation with His handprint. I pray that some day you all will experience that 'walk about zion, counting her towers, considering her ramparts'....you will be blessed as I was.
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