A CHILDHOOD MEMORY..

My mind reaches back to a memory that refuses to fade away. How is it possible that my five year old memory can still penetrate my heart and draw me back to a time of pure innocence, where my world was so small yet so full? I feel a sense of melancholy, of warmth and gratefulness that I was taught a beautiful lesson of friendship and love even before I truly understood the concept.

We lived in Ralston, Washington, a rural town, if you could call it a town, with a total population of less than 100 people. Looking back now, it reminds me of a ceramic Christmas village scene, the kind we place around the base of our tree. The church, the train depot, the one room schoolhouse, grain elevators and the grocery store which housed the post office and a single gas pump. These buildings were my town. I remember a long hill for sledding and wide open spaces to explore with my dog Toby and my best friend Lanny.

As I close my eyes, I can still see his blonde curly head, bobbing above the tall weeds which separated his house from mine. "Lanny's coming" I would yell at my mom as I slammed the screen door shut. I'd run to meet him halfway, with Toby racing ahead of me, just as excited as I was to begin our day with my best buddy in the whole world Not that my world was that big, but I remember it as pure perfection!

We generally sat for awhile, discussing in deep ernest what we could do that day. Sometimes if it was a warm, sunny day, we would trample down some weeds and lay watching the clouds slowly passing overhead, trying to identify their shapes as objects or animals. Other days, we explored an old barn, sat under the window if the school house and listened to the lessons, or just walked and talked, with Toby eagerly looking back to make sure we were coming . Lanny shared my love for my old raggedy dog. Wherever we went, Toby more than willingly came along. To this day, just the remembrance of ol' Toby and the unconditional love we shared brings a rush of warmth through my body. But Toby is a story in itself.

Lanny was a sickly sort. He was a small, frail little boy and his skin was always so pale. More often than not he would be sick in bed when I'd knock on his door, ready to begin another adventerous day. His mom would open the door, and without speaking a word would just shake her head. Disappointment and concern would run through me and a huge feeling of sadness would go with me throughout the day. How could I possibly have any fun without Lanny?

Several years passed as we continued to enjoy that childhood friendship. We started school in the one room schoolhouse where we once had leaned against the cool bricks, listening to all the sounds from the lessons being taught. There were three of us in that first grade class, John, Lanny and I. The smell of chalk dust greeted us at the door each day. The sound of the old wood floor, as it tried to resist the years that caused it to warp and buckle in several spots protested our footsteps. It always amazed me how the teacher seemed to know exactly where those spots were and never stumbled or fell! Heaven knows we used to giggle and wish it would happen!

And then the unspeakable happened! It was a normal late summer evening when my dad called us kids in from our usual game of hide and seek, which was always more exciting in the dim light of dusk. Our sweaty, dusty bodies perched themselves on the old wooden kitchen chairs, waiting for dad to speak. My dad generally spoke his piece and that was that, but tonight he had a strange look on his face. Something that seemed to cause him pain, but also an uncharacteristic attitude of empathy. Very quietly and with very little eye contact, he began to explain that his job would be taking us away from our home, which to me meant everything I had ever known in life. How could my life be complete without Lanny in it? How was I going to tell him this horrible news? What would be come of our friendship? I remember running from the house, stopping by the old maple tree beside the house and crumpling to the ground sobbing tears that caused my chest to heave searching for air. It was more than a seven year old could bare and even today I can still feel that desperate emotion.

Well, many, many years have passed since I said good-bye to Lanny. I can still picture us walking down the dusty lane between my house and his. I had broken the news to him and he had run ahead of me crying uncontrollably. Toby, not knowing who to go to first, ran between the two of us. Lanny suddenly stopped, sat down on the road and hollered back to me. "Please, please say you will wait for me forever and promise me you will marry me one day." I promised with all my heart. That was one promise I could not keep.